Love Me,Not Him
by Kashie
Summary: "11 months. That's how long they've been together. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy for them but...I just can't stand it." Miley's POV. M for safety. Re-posted.
1. I've Been Struck By Lightning

_A/N: No profit is gained and no offense is intentional. I removed this story previously so I could edit it in it's entirety and to gain some more inspiration for the few final chapters. Hopefully my changes were subtle. I apologize in advance if there are any errors, I've tried to be thorough about my spelling. Also if you wish to know what songs inspired the chapter titles then by all means give me a shout and I'll gladly share with you. Enjoy!_

**Standard Disclaimer:I make no claims on Miley Cyrus, Emily Osment, Hannah Montana, Disney or It's A Laugh productions. I also make no claims for the songs and lyrics used in this story. This story is a fem-slash that means two women will be involved romantically with each other. If you're opposed by same sex relations involving two consenting adults then PLEASE press the back button. I don't need to be told my story is trash due to it's content. I'd prefer it if you ENCOURAGED me instead of DISCOURAGED me. **

**This story is in Miley's point of view and is set where they are turning 19.**

Chapter 1 : I've Been Struck By Lightning From Above

11 ½ months. That's how long they've been together. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy for them but...I just can't stand it. At first I didn't know why seeing them together made my stomach ache and my chest throb, but now? Now, I know why I hate seeing them together. Why I hate having to watch them hug and kiss each other. Why I hate it when she says she loves him and he says it back to her. Why I hate that I helped them get back together. I know why, but I'll never tell them. I'll never tell anyone. I can't. Good thing my two best friends are kind of clueless, well most of the time.

Oliver has no clue why I'm being slightly more snippy with him and knowing him with his boy brain, he probably thinks I'm having _"Girl Issues" _, what a donut. Lilly on the other hand, well, I think she's starting to suspect something. I know, I said they're clueless but we've been best friends for almost seven years now. I'm sure they know something and Lilly knows me better then anyone does. I don't want them to find out the real reason I'm avoiding them,and I really don't want to be the reason we all end up hating each other.

I've just recently noticed that I've started dressing differently over the last five months, my attitude has changed as well, it's like the old Miley died and this one suddenly showed up to take her place and I'm not afraid to say I like her, this new Miley. She's bold, daring and not afraid to say what she wants, what she feels. Unless the lovebirds show up, then I try to act all happy and supportive...to a fault at least..

Even Hannah is benefiting from this change. Her songs are rocking now, her newest single is number two in the top 10 and her 1st album is back in the top 50. Life's good at the top for Hannah. For me on the other hand, it's hard. I'm avoiding my best friends for fear of losing myself to my urges, urges for Lilly, kissing her, holding her...making love to her. Urges to beat the shit out of Oliver because he has what I've always wanted. He has what I need. He has her.

It's getting even harder to ignore the notes they pass to me in class. It's even harder to ignore the ones from Lilly because she just can't take no for an answer. So persistent.

I've been avoiding them for the last month and a half. Which is hard to do when Lilly is in three out of four classes with me, Hell she's my lab partner for science. At first it was great but now...not so much. Lilly almost always knows when something is wrong with me or if I'm hiding something from her. That's why everytime she tries to corner me in the hall or at lunch to ask me what's wrong, I either dodge the question or make an excuse and run off, literally. Not the best way to handle the situation I know. Naturally she was the first one to comment on my new style. At the time, I couldn't help but wonder why Lilly was standing stock still by the couch, as if waiting for me. It was new, Lilly rarely ignores the beast that is her appetite.

"_Whoa..." was the breathless exclamation I heard,escaping from my blonde haired best friend as I descended from my room. She wasn't in the kitchen stuffing her face like I had expected, giving me time to slow my heart down from it's sudden rise in speed. Instead her cerulean orbs were fixed upon me,making me swallow thickly, as I often do when in her presence. I smile at Lilly in what I hope is a sexy and confident way as I watch her watching me and try to contain the burst of giddy butterflies that erupt when I notice her blush._

_I took in the way she looked at me, from head to toe, taking in the thick,wooden beads around my neck, the darkness of the wood reminding me of the large oak tree we use to have back in Tennessee. I gently uncrossed my arms and let them hang loosely at my sides, Lilly had begun to circle me,her eyes burning holes into me from all sides. I idly wondered why she was paying so much attention to my attire. It was just some baggy khaki shorts that sat low on my hips and ended so close to my ankles they were practically capris._

_My top I felt wasn't much to gawk at either, it was just a plain black tee with the word Paramore running vertically from my neck to my waist in bold red letters. Really not a big deal and here Lilly is staring at me like I'm wearing Versace or Dolce & Gabbana and I'm walking the red carpet or something! Not that I mind the extra attention she's paying me,even as her boyfriend saddles up beside her. I scowl openly,not caring for the moment to hide my resentment towards the boy. Lilly's eyes are so wide when our gazes lock, her brow suddenly lowers at my glower and a mask of neutrality takes over. Once again I loathe the situation. Trailing behind them as we head for Rico's,openly gagging at their intertwined hands._

I now realize looking down at myself out here on the beach, this is her style. Skater jeans, studded belts, converse shoes band shirts and blank hoodies, my entire closet just screams Lilly lately. And I hate it. I feel stupid for not realizing sooner, her power and presence in my life is forever noticeable, especially now,her style mirrored and my previously secret adoration now exposed for all to see. Normally this should shock me. I'm out, I'm just not loud about it.

More images filter into my brain, a particular one I'd prefer not to relive but can't ever forget: how I found out they were dating. God how my chest hurt and my stomach dropped when I saw them kiss, my ears burned when I heard their cutesy nicknames, Lilly-pop...Ollie-pop...who the hell says stuff like that? I mean really!

I kick at a nearby sand dune and sigh again, trying to relieve my frustrations, they ebb slightly as I watch the golden grains of sand float up into disarray before collapsing back down as if they hadn't been forcefully misplaced. The nostalgia dissipates as the sting of irritation and betrayal sets in from the memory.

I forgot how beautiful the beach is at twilight, the sky is painted with pinks and oranges while the ocean below is a beautiful blue, just like her eyes...damn it. I've got it bad because lately all I seem to be thinking about is her, hell, I've gone through at least 3 journals about her and about my feelings for her. Feelings I can no longer ignore and hat are too forceful to tamp down. This part of the beach is my safe haven. It's deserted and clean. No one but me comes out here. It's the perfect setting to think, or at least try to think. Lately I have no inspiration, no drive, nothing. So, I'm simply sitting here staring out at the water, wishing, always wishing.

"Miley?" I hear my name and I know it's her just from the way my skin tingles and my palms grow sweaty. I turn my head to face her and I'm left nearly breathless. She's wearing these running shorts the come about mid thigh and she's wearing this tight tank top. Being 18 has turned Lilly from cute to smoking hot. She's staring at me and I realize I haven't said anything.

"Hey Lilly" My voice is strained and I wonder when my throat became so dry, I cough to hide the jump in my voice as her gaze freezes me. I rise to my feet and dust the sand off of me.

"What are you doing out here? It's getting late you know" She sounds different, like she's scared? Nervous? I can't decide

"Just thinking, well trying to think anyway..."I reply and watch as she looks torn between staring at me and staring out at the water,"Oh, that's cool..." she trails off and I wonder what she's thinking about. This is the longest Lilly and I have been in each others company, without Oliver being around, and suddenly I can't stand the awkward silence that has settled between us. In the nearly seven years of friendship between us there has never been an awkward silence. I look down at my shoes and scuff them against the loose sand. I hate myself for causing this awkwardness.

I hear her sigh and look up at her, meeting her gaze. "I..uh..I should probably head home, Oliver and I are going out tonight...Miles?" she says while eying me curiously.

I visibly cringe at the mention of Oliver and wrap my arms around myself, playing it off as a chill and nod before answering her "That's...that's great" Stupid bastard,even when he's not here, he's ruining my life. I clear my throat and look away from her,scowling to myself.

She sighs again and I look closely at her and that's when I notice that her eyes are glazed over with unshed tears, I walk closer to her and wrap my arm loosely around her in a sideways hug.

"Hey sad panda, what's wrong?" I look down at her and once again lock my gaze with hers, squeezing her tighter when I hear her sniffle.

"Shouldn't I being asking you that question?" she says while wiping her still falling tears with her hand. I lean my forehead against hers and bring my hand up to wipe away her tears. A small smile appears on her face and she pulls me closer. I swear it feels as though my heart has stopped all together.

"You gonna tell my why you started crying Lil?" I whisper into the small space between us, ignoring her first statement. She pulls back slightly , keeping her hands on my arms. "I..." she sighs and stares deeply into my eyes. "Did I do something wrong Miles? Do you hate me or something?" I stare at her. Like I could hate this beautiful woman in front of me who makes the rest us look as ugly as Mikayla. What? I'm woman enough to admit that,she's hot and she knows it!

"I could never hate you, Lilly. Never." I say quietly to her while I gently run my fingers through her silky blonde locks. Trying my damnedest not to tread lower,to not draw patterns across the tanned expanse of her shoulders.

_'I love you more then I did before...'_ I think to myself as I lift her face up so I can look into her eyes again. "You're my best friend Lil, why would you think I hate you?" Suddenly I realize why she could think this and the guilt that I've been ignoring washes over me like a tidal wave. I wince and drop my hands,letting them hide in the safety of my pockets.

I watch her eyes narrow at me,"Because Miley, You've being acting distant for awhile now. You ran away from me! Several times!" She shouts and backs away from me. Her face is flushed as she continues her rant," You don't even answer when I call your cell. You don't answer when I call you at home. You tell your dad to say you're not home, even though I can hear you in the background. You don't even text me anymore! Did I do something wrong? Did I forget something? What? Just tell me what I did wrong Miles. Tell Me..."

I just stare at her, wide eyed, she's panting a little and my eyes wander over her chest and abdomen, my stomach knots as I lick my lips, breathing steadily to calm myself down. "Lilly..." I manage to get out before she cuts me off.

"Whatever it is, I'll do anything and everything I can to fix it. I don't want to lose you Miley...I can't lose you, I just can't..." I reach for her and slide my hands down her arms and intertwine our fingers together, running my thumbs across hers.

Her confession makes my heart flutter "I don't hate you..." She gives me this look and I shake my head, giving her a smile "..Really,I don't. Come on, you're my best friend and nothing will change that. I'm sorry if I made you think that for even a second. I'm just...dealing with something that's all." She's still worried despite my answer and I long to her pull her into my arms and kiss her till she and I are both left breathless. The setting sun glints off of her brilliant blue eyes and my body takes over,ignoring the warning signals flashing brightly in my mind.

I let go of one of her hands and caress her cheek, running my thumb over it gently. I know I'm treading dangerous ground here but I can't help myself, her close proximity and warmth are my drug all of a sudden and I'm binging.

"Lilly, I'm sorry that I ran away from you. You'll never lose me, I promise" She hugs me tightly and I breathe in her scent. She smells like the ocean and peppermint. I can feel her smile on my neck and I suppress the moan trying to escape from my lips by biting down hard on my tongue,a metallic taste now over-riding the stale taste of gum.

Her phone rings and I frown when I recognize the simple ring tone. I step back from her giving her a smile to hide not only my frustration but also my sadness. She's looking at me weirdly while she talks to Oliver, telling him to repeat what he just said to her. Weird,am I distracting her or something? Lilly's phone is turned up so loud, I can hear what Oliver is asking her and I smile a little at his childish antics over the phone. Don't get me wrong, I'm mad at the donut but I still miss his often childish ways.

Odd, has Lilly always looked at me like that? Oh god...Is she checking me out? Whoa! Okay, calm down Miles she's not doing that, she's just...thinking of Orlando Bloom. Yeah that's it, she's imagining him...Oh she's doing it again... Breathe Miley Ray Stewart, Breathe. Did she just bite her lip? Oh sweet nibblets...

Clearly I am dreaming.

I blink rapidly as I stare at her lips and shudder all over as I watch her run her tongue over her bottom lip, her eyes twinkling with mischief. She sighs wistfully as her eyes wander all over my body and I gulp as I catch her staring longingly at my lips before making eye contact with me. I subtly pinch my arm and swallow the brief yell of pain. Guess I'm not dreaming.

"I have to go now Miles, I'll see you later?" I look at her closely and I see something in her eyes that I know hasn't been there before. She blinks and it's gone, what was it? And where have I seen it before? I breathe in the salty air and look back at Lilly, it has been a long time since we've hung out...

"Yeah sure,Hannah has a concert this weekend, Lola is coming right?" Please, say yes. No wait...say no! Crap! I am obviously not thinking at all. Why the HELL did I say that! I wont be able to concentrate at all if she's there! Lilly say no! Say you can't! Say Oliver is taking you out! Although that last one I'm not too fond of.

"Sure, I'd love to, I'll meet you at your place around 6:30?" She says as she moves closer to me, I flinch slightly as her arms wrap around my neck while she hugs me, I weakly fold my arms around her and smile at her to hide my grimace. She beams at me as she puts her earphones back on and runs towards Rico's and towards her house.

I turn towards the ocean and let out a shaky breath. My heart is beating so fast, I clutch my chest and feel it pounding against my rib cage. God it feels like my heart is about to burst out of my chest and run after Lilly.

My thoughts start to race. What is Oliver planning to do with her tonight? I know he's wanted to move forward in their relationship...oh no! What if he wants to ask her about it tonight? What if she says yes? I'm overcome with sorrow as my over active imagination starts playing the images in my head. I feel a hot stinging behind my eyes and my already dry throat feels like sand paper.

I fall to my knees in the sand and finally let myself succumb to the flood of my emotions. The tears that have been threatening to fall since I woke up this morning fall freely into the sand and disappear in the evening heat. Through my tears I let out a low sob of anguish and shudder as I cry softly in an attempt to ease the pain in my chest.

I pound my fist into the sand weakly as I ask myself over and over:Why didn't I tell her sooner?

Why didn't I admit it as soon as I accepted it?

Why did she pick _him,_fuck!

Why can't she see that I'm right here, waiting for her, I'd give up anything for her. I'd give up my reign at the top of the charts to Mikayla for her. I'd let Luann trap me a million times for her. Hell I'd gladly quit being Hannah Montana for her! I hiccup a little as I realize what I just admitted. I'd give up Hannah? Would I really give up my dream for Lilly? I stare out at the water,letting the tears continue to cascade down my face.

As I contemplate that question, I hear someone sit beside me. I turn to see Jackson looking at me with a worried look on his face. He gingerly pulls me closer to him and I gratefully lean against his shoulder while I try to calm myself down. "You really love her don't you." He states and I look up at him in shock. My mind begins to race with ways to disable his thoughts. He chuckles at me, "Don't worry Miles, I'm okay with it. To tell ya the truth, I'm surprised you didn't tell her sooner.", he says to me as he gently squeezes my shoulder and I scoff a little since I was just wondering that myself.

I look at him quizzically for a moment and he looks at me with a raised eyebrow. "Jackson, do you think this is just a phase I'm going through? Do you think I made up theses feelings just cause I was, like afraid of losing her to Oliver, or that the two of them would forget all about me?" I ask him, hoping that's he doesn't think that.

Jackson looks at me and then out at the ocean thoughtfully. We both sit and watch as the sun sinks lower, fading into the murky blue of the water's edge. "No I don't think it's a phase. Or that you're misplacing or confusing love with platonic feelings." I stare at him, "Dim witted brother say what?" his answer confuses and shocks the hell out of me. "That was...really smart...who the hell are you and where's my Hannah hating brother?" He and I both laugh at that comment and he glances at me, we both go silent for a moment before he speaks again.

" I honestly believe that you two really do belong together, like you and dad sing, 'it's love that's bigger than us'." he says, quoting one of the best songs Dad has ever written for Hannah. I stare back at him and let my eyes glance back and forth across his face. I smirk a little at how much he looks like Dad now, his goatee thick and bushy around the edges. "You know, if Dad was here he'd start crying about how smart his boy is." I say to him and smile as he blushes, "You tell him about this and all of your clothes will have mysteriously vanished. Now come on, Dad wanted me to get you so we can eat." He stands and lends me a hand up. I stand up and look out at the ocean once more before I sigh deeply. "Jackson, thanks." He smiles at me and nods his head before walking back up towards the house.

My previous thoughts come back to me and I let a small hopeful smile fall across my lips. I start humming a tune to myself, I haven't figured out the words yet but it's for Lilly, more so for myself. I feel my mouth open and the words flow seamlessly from my heart, It breathes in my chest and it runs through my blood. My heart beats for love" I smile as a cool twilight breeze blows against my face, carrying the heartfelt words away out over the glistening ocean.


	2. I'm Suppose To Be Happy?

**Standard Disclaimer:I make no claims on Miley Cyrus, Emily Osment, Hannah Montana, Disney or It's A Laugh productions. I also make no claims for the songs and lyrics used in this story. This story is a fem-slash that means two women will be involved romantically with each other. If you're opposed by same sex relations involving two consenting adults then PLEASE press the back button. I don't need to be told my story is trash due to it's content. I'd prefer it if you **ENCOURAGED** me instead of DISCOURAGED me. **

**This story is in Miley's point of view and is set where they are turning 19.**

Chapter 2 : I'm Suppose To Be Happy?

It's Wednesday and I've been cornered at my locker by none other then Oliver. Shit. I'd much rather be stuck in detention or cornered by Amber and Ashley while they make fun of me, you'd think they'd have grown up by now wouldn't you? I lean heavily against the lockers and stare at the wall across from me, a much better view then the annoying face of Oliver, speak of the devil!

Why is he looking at me like that, oh that's right, he's talking to me. Save me, I plead to no one as I look up briefly at the ceiling before looking him dead in the eye and rolling my eyes.

"Miley did you hear anything I just said?" His tone of voice tells me that I've annoyed him and suddenly I'm in a better mood. I shake my head and cheerfully say ,"Nope." before I turn to leave. I have better ways of wasting my lunch hour then spending it with the usurper of my hearts one desire, smug little bastard.

I feel his hand on my shoulder and he squeezes me in a friendly,concerned grip. "Come on, Miley. Seriously what's wrong? You've been avoiding me and Lilly like the plague, whenever you see us both coming you run in the other direction. Literally"

Wrong Ollie boy, I only avoid Lilly because you're almost Always there! He turns me around to face him and gives me what he thinks is a comforting smile. "You know, I'm always here for you. I just want to know if you're okay?" He pulls me into his embrace and I growl slightly into his neck. That's it. Now I'm pissed off.

He wants to know how I feel? Can he seriously not see that I'm dying inside? He wants to know if I'm okay when he's dating the only person in the world that makes my life worth fucking living? I stare at the lockers behind me as I feel my anger ratchet up another level.

I Hate Him.

Roughly I bat his hands away, step back and drop my bag. I can see in his eyes that he's confused, he has every right to be, normally I'm not this aggressive but lately even the mention of Oliver's name makes me want to kick something,like his face.

"Listen here Oken, I'm great. No better then that, I am awesome!" I say to him sarcastically as I look away. I'm not aware of the people walking through the halls slowing down as they see my clenched fists and red face. I turn and look back at him, breathing heavily.

His sad,smug, sympathetic features sicken me and I charge towards him as my temper reaches it's peak. I pin him up against the lockers, " Is that what you wanted to hear?" I say to him,my voice a deadly calm, very reminiscent of Luann. It makes him jump and swallow nervously, for which I am proud of.

"Miles..!." I tighten my grip on the front of his shirt. No Ollie boy. You wanted to know, so I'm letting you know. I pull him away from the lockers slightly and then shove him roughly back against them. As he starts mumbling about chest hair, I glare long and hard at him,his mouth snapping shut and his eyes wide.

My eyes flick down to his throat where I see his Adam's apple bob as he swallows thickly. No I can't let him talk, he'll talk and he'll tell and...No, he can't talk. That's the last thing I need right now. He opens his mouth to talk again and I laugh. It's hollow and it's bitter and I can tell I'm on the verge of breaking down completely.

" No Oliver" ,my voice wavers and I feel a thickness start to creep up my throat. "I'm not okay. I haven't been okay for a long time now, in fact I doubt I'll ever be okay again." my fists grow tighter around the front of his shirt, "Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?" I feel hot tears fall down my cheeks.

"Do you get it now?" I lean closer to him and get in his face, "I'M NOT FUCKING OKAY!" Snarling,I push him away from me and make my way through the crowd of on lookers that have formed a circle around us, like fucking scavengers.

All the glances and whispers start weave and blend together, overriding my thoughts and I pull the strap of my bag tighter to me. I flee through the front doors,swerving between the throngs of students that is the lunch hour mob. I head towards the student parking lot, scowling and power walking. It's when I'm about 50 feet away from my car that I register two things.

One; I can barely breathe due to the amount of tears I'm trying to keep at bay. And two; I think someone is following at a rapid pace. If it's Oliver ,that boy either has a serious death wish or is a total dumb fuck. Or worse,he's both. I whip my school bag around so that I can search for my keys, my fingers stumbling across my books and other random articles. Finally the cool metal of my key ring slips against my fingers and I clutch onto it firmly, only to tense up as I feel someone's arms wrap around my middle comfortably.

"What the fuck?" I spin and look at this person who obviously has no concept of personal space. My eyes lock with the deepest and brightest of blue eyes I've ever seen and my heart plummets to my feet. I look up at the sky and I roll my eyes. Why am I not surprised.

Lilly.

Some higher power just loves fucking with me lately. "Miley Ray Stewart..." Is it wrong to be turned on when she full names me like that? Oh shit. I hope she didn't see or hear about what happened in the hall with Oliver...I really don't want to explain that right now.

"Where are you... did you just say fuck?" Her accusation falters halfway and turns into a question. I'm so overcome with relief that I nearly drop my bag and just stare at her. "Huh?' Obviously I'm not thinking at all if that's the only response I can come up with. Although now, I'm sure she's more focused on the mascara running down my blotchy face.

Quickly I pull myself together and hastily wipe away that inky black trails on my face. I look away to the left and cough a little, "I..um...uh...nowhere?" I'm screwed. Damn it, how am I gonna get outta this?

Lilly crosses her arms over her chest and juts her hips slightly to the right, her face suggests that she knows I'm lying and that I'm horriblybad at it. I sniffle a little and scoff at myself and this fuck up I'm stuck in. I feel more tears well up behind my eyes,forcing more saline to fall down my face in wet, hot streams. I bow my head and try to hide my trembling lip. Why is it that Lilly always shows up when I'm so close to breaking?

Fuck.

Right here is not where I want to be. I bite down hard on my tongue to suppress the guilt ridden sob I feel creeping up my throat. Swallowing thickly, I clear my throat and shakily motion with my head,"I'm...just gonna...um...yeah...", I turn and begin heading towards my car, my head down and eyes on the worn down asphalt.

My steps are halted however by Lilly popping up in front of me...damn she's quick. "Miles, wait, what's going on?" Her voice is so full of concern and deep seeded affection. Fuck I adore this woman. I tense up as I she gets closer to me. I swallow back a gasp as I see her pink and black converse shoes in my line of sight. Sighing,I clench my fists not really caring that she can see the tightness in my arms and body. It's not until I glance up at her that I realize just how close her face is to mine. The heady scent of peppermint nearly dulls my senses and I want to drown in her scent while at the same time run as far as I can from her so I can breathe. "You're far too pretty to be crying, Miles." I can't fight off the small chuckle that escapes me at her soft words.

Lilly would think I'm pretty when I probably look like a damn raccoon or bandit or something. I slowly lift my head up and get lost in her eyes. I study her face,her small triumphant smile, the way her eyes start to sparkle brightly and shimmer with an adoration and compassion I've never seen directed at anyone but me. I commit every single detail to memory.

She gently reaches up and wipes the tears from my eyes, I stare transfixed as her fingers ghost across my cheek and gently place an errant strand of hair behind my ear, the action far more intimate then platonic friendships allow for. My hand moves on it's own, as if in a trance. My fingertips trace the outline of her shapely eyebrows. My index finger runs down the length of her nose and I barely notice that both of us are now breathing heavily, the warm, gentle puffs draw my attention away from her eyes to her lips.

My eyes widen as her lips part slightly beneath my fingertips. Her breath comes out quickly, bathing my sense of touch in a warmth that makes the Malibu summers feel as cold as the Canadian winters.

Just as I start fooling myself into thinking that she's leaning into me, she steps back at the sound of her name,"Hey Lilly!",cut off by the very last person I want to see. This will not end well for me if I don't leave now.

Only her head turns and she watches him briefly before turning back to face me. I shake my head, feeling foolish as my previous anger comes back with a vengeance. I step back and abruptly turn away from her. Fuck you, Oliver. Just fuck you.

I glance over my shoulder and clench my fists once more as I see Oliver gently wrap his arm around Lilly's shoulder. Growling slightly,I turn back to watch where I'm going. I feel Lilly's gaze burning a hole into my back. I ignore it as best I can until I hear the click of my keys in the lock of my obsidian Mercedes Benz CLK 550 Cabriolet. What can I say? Being a secret pop star has it's perks.

"Miley." I wince as I realize I still haven't looked up at Lilly. Hastily I decide not to and I feel myself deflate a little as I grudgingly answer, "What?" I wince again as the word comes out more harshly then I wanted it to.

"What is going on?" I see Oliver lean down slightly to whisper in her ear and I feel not only fear but anger flare up in me again, "If you even think of telling her what happened, I'll make it sure you never have children or walk properly ever again." I ground out,staring daggers at Oliver who promptly snaps his mouth shut and cups himself. Lilly looks at me, her eyes clearly asking what the hell. I promptly ignore the question in her eyes and toss my bag into the passenger seat of my car. Slamming the driver's side door shut, I march over to the couple,bile rising to my throat. I stop directly in front of Lilly.

Surprising myself I lean down and invade her personal space like she did to me earlier. I stay silent and stare deeply into her eyes, searching for something. I can feel the awkward air that surrounds Oliver and my eye twitches discreetly as he clears his throat.

Lilly hasn't looked away from me and the confusion in her eyes swirls with irritation. Irritation at what , I'm not sure. She sighs and steps away from me. Her eyes closed as she pinches the bridge of her nose, stress clearly etched on her features. I look over at Oliver and scowl, for once hoping he can see just how much I hate the two of them together. How angry it makes me that he asked the out the women of my dreams and flaunts it in my face. Or asks me for help to impress _his _girlfriend...insufferable prick.

I step back from her and walk over to Oliver who swallows thickly and starts mumbling again. I stand in front of him and lean closer, "We'll finish this...discussion later...correct?" I snap at him, receiving a rapid nod in the affirmative. I glare at him once more and a hint of a smirk rises to my face when I see him shy away slightly. I look at Lilly and feel my face shift into a stoic mask.

I walk back to my car steadily and quickly plop myself down in the driver's seat. I put my key into the ignition and rev the engine a few times, pleased with rumbling vibrations that echo through my chest.

I'm about to turn the radio on and back out when a knock on the tinted window startles me, rolling the window down slightly, I find my gaze once again ensnared by the wonderful, ocean blue of Lilly's eyes. I try my damnedest to ignore the look of hurt swirling within their murky depths, "Miley. You're really starting to worry me..." I feel my anger deflate again and I turn to look at her," I...I can't tell you...you wouldn't understand" The hurt look intensifies and collides with a hint of something I rarely see directed at me from this heavenly angel: Anger.

"Oh really. And just what the hell wouldn't I understand Miley? Hmm? My best friend avoiding me? Ignoring me? Treating me like shit? Just what the _fuck_ wouldn't I understand?" She quietly and vehemently says before walking away, roughly shouldering past Oliver and power walking towards the front doors of the school. I slam my head down on the steering wheel for a few seconds before I lift my head up and lean it back against the head rest.

The familiar pinch behind my eyes begins to build and I squeeze the bridge of my nose to try and staunch the flow of tears that has begun a slow trickle down my cheeks. Swearing under my breath, I angrily jab the button on my car stereo and rapidly press the volume button until I feel my ears sting from the shrill screech of guitars and the overwhelming boom of the drums.

I rev the engine of my Benz again before pulling out of my parking space and smoothly inch into the Malibu traffic, the sound of 'Breakdown' by Breaking Benjamin whirls within the spacious car as I speed down the PCH towards my house. My head bobs of its own accord and I find myself angrily singing along and shouting to my steering wheel. Twenty minutes later I pull into my driveway and push open the front door, ignoring both my dad and Jackson who takes one look at my enraged face and runs up to his room. I scoff in disgust at myself and throw my bag by the piano before storming out the back doors and down towards my favorite spot of beach.

**HM**

I peel my gaze away from the water as my phone continues to beep at me. Flipping it open I turn the alarm off and glance at the time, 3:52pm. Hmm. I silently debate with myself for a few minutes before I compile a text to send to Oliver. It takes less then a couple of minutes for him to reply.

**1 new text message**

**09/06/2013 03:55 PM**

**From: Ollie**

**Subject: Meeting**

**as long as u dont hit me... **

I stare at his response for a solid minute before a bark of smug laughter erupts from my chest. I text him back promising I wont hit him and to meet me at Rico's. As I put my phone away I start wondering why I decided to even talk to Oliver. I feel betrayed by him, Lilly too. We promised to call each other everyday when I was filming Indiana Joannie and she didn't even call me once. Oliver called me twice and only asked me questions about Lilly.

Fuck, this is gonna suck...


	3. I'm Sitting All Alone Feeling Empty

**Standard Disclaimer:I make no claims on Miley Cyrus, Emily Osment, Hannah Montana, Disney or It's A Laugh productions. I also make no claims for the songs and lyrics used in this story. This story is a fem-slash that means two women will be involved romantically with each other. If you're opposed by same sex relations involving two consenting adults then PLEASE press the back button. I don't need to be told my story is trash due to it's content. I'd prefer it if you **ENCOURAGED** me instead of DISCOURAGED me. **

**This story is in Miley's point of view and is set where they are turning 19.**

**Chapter 3 : I'm Sitting All Alone Feeling Empty.**

I stare at my phone for a few more seconds before I stand up and dust the sand off of my black cargo shorts. Slipping my phone into my pocket I begin the slow trudge to Rico's. It's actually not that far from here,just a 10 minute walk but part of me wants to delay this 'meeting' as long as I can, at least till I figure out what the hell I'm gonna say to that shaggy haired,little bastard...

With a petulant groan I slip out my iPod and put on my head phones. A small smile dances on my lips as my song 'Can't Be Tamed' begins to play. I slow down even more if that's possible and look around. Upon seeing no one I let myself fall into the beat and start prancing around in the sand like I'm in a music video, singing along with the lyrics at a moderate volume level.

"_I can't be tamed,I can't be saved,I can't be blamed,I can't, can't ,I can't can't be tamed. I can't be changed,I can't be tamed, I can't be ,can't, I can't be tamed."_ I kick at the greenish blue water and briefly shut my eyes as sea spray gently glazes my face. I feel a giddy laugh bubble up in my chest, the music making me completely forget where I'm heading and why.

I look up and notice that I'm getting closer to Rico's, I can see Oliver sitting at a table, his head is down and he looks nervous and uncomfortable, at least that's what it looks like from here. I mumble the bridge of the song as I get closer and closer to where Oliver is sitting.

As my voice rises with the song so does Oliver's head, feeling very bold and spontaneous, I jump up on a vacant chair and rock out, letting Hannah out a little. I pant a little and let myself fall semi gracefully my headphones sliding down and resting around my neck. I turn my iPod off and look out at the ocean. Trying to catch my breath and stave off the conversation as long as possible. I feel Oliver's eyes on me and my jaw clenches as my temporary reprieve dissipates.

"So...can I ask you something?" Oliver's shaky voice makes me turn my head slightly from the tranquil view. I glance at him and notice that he's waiting for my full attention, sighing through my nose, I turn and face him fully. He doesn't wait fro me to answer him, "What did I do earlier today that nearly had you kicking my ass?" I blink owlishly a few times as I look at him, fighting off the urge to say stealing Lilly and ruining my life.

I hear Oliver sigh quietly. I blink once more and lean forward on my elbows, my hands clasped on the table. I look carefully over at Oliver and notice the slight darkness under his eyes, the way his shoulders sag and his knee bouncing sporadically beneath the table. I look into his eyes and see the emotions swirling there, most notably concern.

Despite the huge shadow of animosity that makes it self known whenever Oliver is mentioned or around me, I let my own friendly concern take precedent. "Oliver, before we get into the 'why I've been acting this way' conversation, I have to ask, is everything okay?..." I pause slightly as his posture slumps even more and he looks up at me with a certain sadness around him. He shakes his head and drags a slow hand through his messy mop of hair tiredly.

"It's Lilly..." He says and I stop him immediately, "Oliver I'm not giving you any advice or anything for your...relationship...with Lilly" God, it's still so hard to say that sentence. He sighs heavily, "I'm not gonna ask you for help or anything, I just want to talk to my best friend..." Damn it, I suck.

I look at him and then look at the table in disgust. Oh yeah,I really suck. "I'm sorry about today, I've got a lot on my mind that just makes me so pissed off and I took it out on you...Just don't ask me for help with Lilly or anything else like that ever again. Got it?" I point at him and he lifts his hands up in surrender. I inhale deeply before exhaling and I feel the tension in my muscles release,I can feel Oliver watching me.

I open my eyes and look at him, giving him my full attention once again, "You were saying?" he chuckles and I'm given a slight grin before it fades, his lips shifting into a thin line of confusion. "We've been fighting. Like a lot actually." My eyes widen at this revelation and my mind begins to whirl with questions and accusations.

"Whoa" He nods and scratches his head,"I know.." I arch an eyebrow, unaware that I said anything out loud. I tell him that I'm gonna stay silent until he's done, getting a nod in response. I fold my arms and lean more heavily on my elbows.

"We're always yelling and shouting at each other these days. I've known Lilly long enough to know when she's faking a smile and that's all I seem to be getting these days. Fake laughs,fake smiles,fake, fake, fake. She doesn't even say 'I love you' back anymore! In fact she doesn't even try anymore, it's like she's just going through the motions! I've tried everything to get her to tell me what's wrong but that just leads to more fighting."

The creak of Oliver's chair makes me blink for the first time since he started going into detail. I lean back in my seat and furrow my eyebrows in confusion, the cogs in my head still turning. "How do most of these shout-a-thons start?" I ask him, waving my hand aimlessly at my side.

I can see the frustration painted across his brow in wavy lines, my eyes follow his form as he gets up and starts pacing back and forth in front of the table we're sitting at. I watch as he mutters to himself, trying to sift through his thoughts so he can find an answer for me.

His quick footsteps slow down and he stops pacing for a few moments, "Usually it's because I ask her if she's being honest, you know how insecure I am." He clarifies for me and I let my 'Really?' look slip from my face. Honesty. Hmm,

"More recently though, it's been because of you..." My entire thought process shuts down and I feel all the air escape my chest, my heart plummeting into my toes. Oliver's image gets blurry and it feels like my tongue has tried to crawl down my throat and got stuck halfway.

Oliver's chair creak again as he sits down in it,"I told her I was going to talk to you about this, see if you could help, she said you'd probably run back to Tennessee before you'd ever help either of us...", I feel his hand cover my own limp one as my aching heart listens intently to each syllable that comes from his mouth.

"Look,I don't know what the hell is going on anymore but she needs you,Miley. She needs her very best friend." Oliver's phone beeps and he looks down at it, "I gotta go, mom's in the parking lot." he stands up and waves good bye. I feel myself nod absently before my glassy eyes slowly dance across the sand and head towards the water. Vibrant violets and tangerines collide with the bright blues of the ocean,a kaleidoscope of color swirling as I close eyes.

With a quiet, sharp gasp I let my head crash onto the surface of the table. The chattering of people and the lull of the waves lures me deeper into my thoughts. I lift my head sometime later and realize that it's well after dark. I stand up and slowly make my way home.

**HM**

This is torture.

Mr. Rosenbaum has no idea how to make a world history lesson fun. Half of us aren't even paying attention. He just drones on and on and on. Monotonously. I honestly cannot tell what he's saying. His voice is so mechanical, I can't tell when he stops one sentence and starts another. Ugh.

I look around the room tiredly. Bored kid, bored kid, Sarah reading a law textbook,bored kid, bored kid,bored kid,bored kid,bored kid,Ass hat and her parrot, bored kid,bored kid,bored kid,Oliver asleep on his desk mumbling about a a ham sandwich chasing him...weird. Looking at him makes me think about what he told me last night and each possibility I can come up with only manages to confuse me further.

With a sigh I lift my head up and shake it, making my hair move from side to side in a chestnut curtain. I look over towards my left and I see Lilly slouched forward in her chair looking completely miserable. Words rush into my brain unhindered and echo in my ears like feedback. _"she needs you,Miley. she needs her best friend."_

Pfft, yeah right. Some 'best friend' I am. Look what I did to her!

_tell her you love her._

Crazy voice in my head say what...?

_do it._

No way! There's too much at stake. It's not worth the risk.

_It's so worth the risk._

Never gonna happen.

_yes it will._

No it wont.

_yes it will._

Stubborn jackass.

_pessimistic jerk._

I sigh and glance back over at Lilly. God, even when she looks that sad she still manages to leave me breathless. She does things so effortlessly. I don't think she understands just how beautiful she really is. The way her ocean blue eyes shift to different shades depending on her mood.

The way her long blonde hair cascades down her back, the tips curling slightly upwards, dancing in the faint breeze blowing through the open window. Her style is different too, she's still that impulsive tomboy I fell for but now her clothes are tighter, skinnier. Like she's proud to show her body off to whoever is looking and believe me I'm looking.

A sense of pride washes over me as I see that she's wearing a Hannah shirt,I'm so happy I decided on doing a clothing line. I get so much joy from seeing my face splayed across her chest and stomach. I watch her shift in her seat slightly, silently pushing her chair back and leaning her entire upper body against the desk,her head leaning in the crook of her elbow as she listens to Mr. Rosenbaum, well tries to listen, it looks more like she's trying to fight off a yawn.

I take the opportunity to stare openly at her,half hoping she can feel the power of my gaze on her. I just want to look into her eyes, those deep,reverent pools of crystal blue. I breathe out wistfully, I just can't seem to turn my gaze away. I watch as she turns around and looks at me,I hold my breath as our eyes lock for the first time today and I'm hypnotized. I want to say something but I hear someone's throat clearing.

I break away from her stare and look up at Mr. Rosenbaum, he as well as the rest of the class, are staring at me. Several of the students are quietly laughing and whispering ,some just roll their eyes or shake their heads,amused. I want the floor to swallow me whole.

"Miss Stewart, I think it would be best if your attention was more focused on me and not on Miss Truscott." No emotion at all. Is this guy a robot? Mr. Rosenbaum turns back to the board and continues to write down more of his expectations. And some of the class is still staring at me. Wonderful. You'd think I'd be use to the embarrassment by now wouldn't you?

I sneak a quick glance back at Lilly who is still looking at me and I notice that she has a faint blush on her face, I'm sure it's just from being singled out. I timidly smile at Lilly but she doesn't return it,in fact her face turns hard and her eyes get cloudy and dark.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I gotta fix this...and quick.

Glancing up at the clock I sigh quietly and open my note book to a blank page. I tap the pencil against my left forearm and stare intently at the page,willing words to magically appear on the page. I want to write a note to Lilly. I want it to be meaningful,honest,romantic. But how honest and romantic can I be on paper? And wouldn't it mean more if it was done in person? God,Why am I such a chickenshit when it comes to love? Why can't I just say what's in my heart?

We promised to tell each other everything and here I am breaking that promise, as per usual. And the winner of the Worst Friend Ever award goes to: Me. Whoo hoo. I close my eyes as I lean my head in both of my hands,resisting the urge to bang my head hard against the desk. The ringing of the final bell jars me out of my current stupor. As I pack up my books,I feel this, this like urge or something and it's pull is so insistent that I don't dare to even try and ignore it.

Quickly and carelessly,I dump the rest of my things into my purple messenger bag and turn towards the door,just in time to see Lilly exiting the classroom, a scowl firmly etched on her beautiful features.

I'm about to run out after her, but I feel a hand firmly grasp my shoulder, I close my eyes in frustration as Mr. Rosenbaum turns me around to face him. For a robot,he sure moves fast. "Miss Stewart, from now on,I believe it would be in your best interest, if you kept your problems with fellow classmates at the door and payed closer attention to the lessons I am teaching you."

I battle fiercely with the urge to roll my eyes at him and tell him where to shove his lessons. I have no problem with Lilly, you fucking android. I nod at him before walking quickly out of the classroom. I walk down the hallway a few steps before breaking out into a run,easily slipping through the after school crowd.

I rush through the front doors as fast as I can,nearly knocking a few freshmen down the stairs, my apology rushes from my lips carelessly as I jump the last three steps and sprint towards Lilly's retreating form. "Lilly! Lilly wait!" I shout out breathlessly. She looks over her shoulder at me before speeding up,shaking her head. Luckily I manage to catch up with her, "Lilly, I need to talk to you. I'm-" Swiftly turning around,her bright blue eyes dark and ominous, she cuts me off. "Oh now you want to talk? What the hell Miley! 'I don't wanna talk to you. I need to talk to you. I need this. I want that. Me. Me. Me. I. I. I'..."

Air quotes and mocking tone, her voice steadily rises and the anger washes off of her like the waves she so easily glides through. It takes me a moment to realize that she's cornered me. My back hits someone's car and I stumble forward slightly, trying not to collide into her body that's now directly in front of me.

Her eyes are ablaze, swirling with a fury I have never seen. She gets in my face, her anger lapping at my skin like fire,burning and digging deep under my skin like razors. "It's always about you huh! You. You. You! The whole FUCKING world revolves around YOU!" She jabs her finger harshly into my chest. "When are you gonna open your eyes? When are you gonna stop and think of somebody else, huh?" She finishes breathlessly before her face twists even further into anger.

"WHEN!"

She's shouts at me, her chest heaving with heavy breaths. My mouth opens and shuts a few times, words escaping my lips. Stuttered and half mumbled apologies that I'm sure mean nothing to her right now, lump together in my throat. She moves closer, my back once again hitting the car behind me. "What about Oliver? Hmm? You barely give him the time of day and now he's the _only_ one you hang out with. The only one you even fucking talk to!"

She stresses each word and it's now that I notice her clenched fists and the way her whole body shakes with her rage. "You only do what's best for you! What you want! No one else! Just you!",she growls out, pushing me roughly.

"Lilly-", I'm scared shitless. My breathless attempt at interrupting dies on my lips as her next words rip into me savagely, tearing at my heart like a pack of ravenous wolves.

"What about me!"

The pained words flow from her lips in a heartbroken shout. Tears have begun to steadily fall down her tanned face,the clear droplets gently tracing a path down her cheeks before falling to the asphalt below. Her glacial gaze penetrates me,making me feel as though my body was stone.

"Lilly..." She scoffs with contempt at me and walks away. I feel my legs trembling and I lean heavily against the car,clutching at my chest. I barely register picking myself up and slowly walking towards my, the scenery around me is nothing but a water color blur of greens,blue and grays. I vaguely noticed that I've pulled up onto my street, the fifteen minute drive from school seeming like mere seconds.

I park in our driveway and stumble down towards the beach that's directly in front of our back porch. It's only then that I collapse harshly onto the damp sand, the surf slamming gently against me,soaking my clothes as I sob pitifully. Oh God...

What have I done?


	4. I Need You Like A Heart Needs A Beat

_A/N: Sorry, this took like...fucking forever and I'm still not satisfied with it but oh well, it was very hard to write, also you can youtube Miley live at the O2 if you wanna see the stage prop I added in. I'll also add that I don't own 'Hell Yeah' or 'Stay'. They belong to Rev Theory and Miley Cyrus respectively (Listening while you read would be a good idea!) . I own Sid the stage hand. POV does switch from first to third a couple of times. Longest Chapter Ever!_

**Standard Disclaimer: I make no claims on Miley Cyrus, Emily Osment, Hannah Montana, Disney or It's A Laugh productions. I also make no claims for the songs and/or lyrics used in this story. This story is a fem-slash that means two women will be involved romantically with each other. If you're opposed by same sex relations involving two consenting adults then PLEASE press the back button. I don't need to be told my story is trash due to it's content. I'd prefer it if you ENCOURAGED me instead of DISCOURAGED me.**

Read & Review Please.

**This story is in Miley's Point of View.**

Chapter 4: I Need You Like A Heart Needs A Beat

My shoulders sag as I put more weight on my already strained arms. Slowly I raise my head up only to reveal bloodshot eyes that stare blankly back at me in the smudged washroom mirror. I watch as my jaw clenches tightly in frustration as the events of earlier today, once again wash over me,making my heart bash against my rib cage in pain. I stare at my red splotchy face and follow the redness down my neck and bra covered chest.

I can't stop the angry sob that falls from my mouth. I take a step back from the bathroom sink and lean against the tiled wall, it takes me a few minutes to register my wobbly legs finally giving out beneath me and I slide to the bathroom floor in a sobbing heap. My head falls forward and rests against my curled knees,my arms wrapped tightly around myself in fear that I might fall apart at any moment. I hear the door to my dressing room shut quietly and soft foot falls make their way towards the washroom door. I muffle the sound of my sobs by gently biting on my arm.

The sound of three sharp raps against the door are muffled. I can vaguely hear one of the stage hands call out to me, telling me I got fifteen minutes or so before I have to go on stage. I can already hear the excited,rumbling chant of my alter ego's name. Yet another mask I have to wear.

Another facade to hide behind.

"Miles?" I hear two voices hovering by the slightly ajar door. I let my arms fall away from my face and I openly sob on the washroom floor. I hear the door creak open before being pushed wide open, letting two bodies enter. I feel a hand place itself on my shoulder while another pulls me against a warm chest. The smell of heavy after shave makes my nose burn and I cough a little. I bury my face in to my dad's shirt and continue to cry. With a bit of hesitation, I hear him say,"Darlin, it's gonna be alright...". It's then that I realize the other voice was Jackson,which is a surprise since he hates being backstage.

I feel strong fingers encase my left hand and squeeze tightly, "Don't worry Miles, we're here for you.", Jackson's comforting words bring a small smile to my lips and I sniffle. The warmth and love I feel from my family makes thank God for giving them to me. With a small smile on my face, I stand up and hug each of them once more, they look at me and I nod to them.

All three of us walk towards the dressing room door, I stop just as the two of them turn to face me, "Give me a couple of minutes" I say to them and they nod in response, walking off towards the stage area. Closing the door I lean against it for a few minutes,breathing steadily and trying not to have another episode.

I lean my head back against the door and stare up at the ceiling. The steady chanting for Hannah seems to grow louder, the sea of voices nearly pounding in my chest. I turn around and lightly grasp the silver door knob. As I begin to turn the knob a frantic buzzing reaches my ears and draws my attention away towards the coffee table, sitting in the middle of the dressing room,surrounded by soft leather couches.

With a sigh I stalk over and plop down heavily against the rich brown leather,snatching my phone up in the process and flipping it open. I feel my whole body tense and go numb all at the same time. I inhale sharply as my eyes dance back and forth across the last name I least expected to see flash on the screen.

**1 new text message**

**10/07/2013 07:53 PM**

**From: Lilly**

**Subject: None**

**good luck...**

I feel the phone slip from my hands as I start hyperventilating slightly. Warm, wet tears once again fall from my eyes, my phone vibrates again and bounces across the floor as I drop it.

I ignore it and hastily try to dry my eyes. I stumble over to the full length mirror, my gaze travels up from my head to my toes. My wide eyes scare me and shock me back in to reality.

My phone buzzes again and I let out a frustrated groan before moving away from the mirror and heading out in to the winding backstage hallways. I feel the Hannah mask slip over my face as soon as my dancers spot me and crowd around me, as we walk down the many twists and turns towards the stage area. I feel the excitement start to gnaw away at me and I start bouncing down the halls behind the stage hand, the chanting keeps getting louder now and I smile widely.

I've been planning this concert for months now, it's gonna be like nothing my fans have seen from me before. I let my dancers stroll through the first door in to the immediate backstage area while my hair and make up gets touched up quickly. After they give me a thumbs up I go through the door and rush in to the huddle that's already formed. I look around at all my dancers as they look at me with wild excited eyes, I smile at them and squeeze the hands that I'm holding on to, "You guys ready to rock this crowd?' I shout to them. As they respond I shake my head, "I can't hear you! I said are you ready to blow this crowd away?" I shout louder at them and they all break into raucous howling and whooping, "That's what I like to hear!" I shout at them as we all close our eyes and silently pray together. I feel a large hand clutch my shoulder and turn me around just as I open my eyes. I come face to face with the broadest chest I have ever seen. Looking up I meet the two toned eyes of my favorite stage hand. "Sid!" I greet happily, he cocks an eyebrow at me and gently runs a finger across me cheek. He shows me his finger and I rush to wipe off any more traces of the tears that fell while I was praying. Sid says nothing, but simply pulls me towards him and guides me towards another door.

As we start walking downstairs His baritone voice scares me, "Still haven't told her." It's a statement but I still answer in the negative. He opens the door for me and we both walk through and into the blackness of the bottom of the stage. He stands in front of me and signals to a few other stage hands. "Y'know, you should use that pain you're feeling tonight.." He says cryptically and I narrow my eyes at him in the darkness, he turns to face me and I can just make out his face from the dim lights. I gnaw on my bottom lip as I think over the set list and the choreography quickly. I scoff as I realize just what song he's referring to. "And you're a stage hand why?" I ask him rhetorically before receiving a lighthearted push towards the black stage curtain. His light chuckle following after me like an echo.

_[Third Person POV]_

The lights in the arena dimmed before flickering out completely, beckoning the audiences attention in the thickening darkness,the steady roar of the cheers and chanting grew louder, shrill shrieks of excitement erupting from several pockets within the crowd, each time a shadow stole across the stage they grew in intensity. The energy within the arena was palpable. The four video monitors flanking the two sides of the stage flashed to life, the numbers 59 displayed in bright white light, flashing like the clock on a VCR. As the numbers started winding down, the stage was suddenly lit with blue lights. White and yellow lights flickered back and forth, the colored beams passing over the crowd as if searching for something. As the countdown started getting closer to twenty a partition descended from center stage. Fog started to crawl across the stage, enveloping every inch and creeping steadily up the edges of the partition as it finally touched down on the surface of the stage. As the screen came up, the crowd erupted into even louder support of their famed star. The hidden pop star smiled wide, joy sparkling in her now dry eyes, red still rimming them. Clear painted nails were tucked tightly into fists as the low hum from her thundering pulse echoed in her ears, her breathing came out quickly as her nerves sky-rocketed before leveling out.

Looking up through the frosted casing, she watched as the partition slowly began to rise up and blend in with the rafters of the stadium roof. More fog started rising up around the bottom of the ice cube shaped cave she was in. One of the guitarist's slammed his pick hard against the strings of his guitar and the stadium erupted with the sound of a high screeching note, followed closely by two more and the deep sliding sound of the bassist and drums pounding along behind him. The minute her mouth opened, the audience roared. The sounds blending in with everything else._"Can you feel that? __You better hold on... This one's about to get bumpy,_" her voice steadily rose higher before a hearty laugh fell from her lightly glossed lips.

"_Hahahahahahaha..." _

Her laughter echoed around the stadium. A loud gruff sounding shout shocked those close enough to the stage into momentary silence as they stared at the pulsing and vibrating cube. Suddenly the ice cube shattered in blaze of multi-colored lights. Hannah jumped just as the cube exploded and landed center stage with four spotlights honed in on her. The audience screamed while several in the front row openly gawked at their famed superstar's attire. The secret brunette's feet were clad in black leather motorcycle boots that ended mid calf. Her beach tanned skin glowed in the warm lights as they ran up under tight muddy brown mid thigh shorts. The pop star had what appeared to be a single holster gun belt hanging low on her hips and strapped around her thigh, a Tennessee belt buckle sitting proudly just off center. Her torso was clad in a tight, form fitting tank top. Over top of that was a dirty denim sleeveless jacket. The crowd became wild and several screams and wolfish whistles echoed in her ears despite the sound equipment. She flashed the audience a devilish smile as she strutted down the walkway separating the two halves of the stage. As she reached the very front, she brought the mic up to her mouth and started singing, blonde hair and ocean blue eyes flashing across her vision.

"_She's a ten, _

_hellbent, I'm in heaven tonight. _

_Six speed sex scene _

_playin' out in my mind." _

The secret brunette jumped up on one of the left stage monitors and pointed out at the crowd, her hips swaying in a grinding motion. She walked back and forth across the stage, commanding and demanding the attention and adoration of all in attendance.

"_One look, I'm hooked, motor runnin'. _

_Rev'd up, my heart startin' pumpin' _

_Are you ready for the best _

_Damn ride of your life?"_

Those in the front row screamed loudly as they watched her strut and hop across the stage. The energy within the stadium enveloped the performer as she sang the chorus energetically. Smiling each time the crowd screamed 'hell' or 'yeah' back to her. Hannah jumped up onto a center monitor and belted out the lyrics to one of her favorite songs.

"_Gimme a "hell" _

_Gimme a "yeah" _

_Stand up right now! _

_And gimme a "hell" _

_Gimme a "yeah" _

_Stand up right now!" _

The blonde jumped down from the monitor and landed on the stage, automatically falling to her knees and leaning all the way backwards, her body swaying around in a circle. She stood up quickly and leaned out over the stage, two security guards holding her up as her chest heaved with each guttural shout.

"_Get ready to go! _

_She ain't movin' slow! _

_She's takin' control! _

_Pushin' the pedal to the floor! _

_I'm beggin' for more! _

_You better hold on tight!" _

As she finished the first chorus her dancers ran out and joined her on the front part of the stage, the pop star went down on her knees again and started whipping her hair around in a wild circle. The crowd joined in and screamed back at her,most of them jumping just as wildly and singing just as loudly.

"_Hey, hey, hey, hey! _

_Hey, hey, hey, hey!"_

Hannah ran back on to the main stage and ran over to the left side, jumping up onto one of the other monitors.

"_Got a taste, can't be saved, _

_I'm a junkie for life. _

_She fuels my fire and adrenaline high. _

_My need for speed's got me gunnin' _

_One touch, she screams "keep it comin' "_

_Are you ready for the best damn ride of your life? _

Hannah breathed in deeply and stared up at the ceiling, her free hand raised high in a fist. Mr. Montana and Jackson watched from backstage as Hannah proudly blazed across the stage like a comet, smiles of pride and utter shock on their faces.

_Gimme a "hell" _

_Gimme a "yeah" _

_Stand up right now _

_And gimme a "hell" _

_Gimme a "yeah" _

_Stand up right now"_

The blond ran back to the main stage and up a set of stairs. Two of her female dancers ran after her,slight looks of awe on their faces at the insane amount of energy the blonde was exhibiting. All three women shook their heads and waved their hands and hair around like an 80's hair metal band.

"_Get ready to go! _

_She ain't movin' slow! _

_She's takin' control! _

_Pushin' the pedal to the floor! _

_I'm beggin' for more! _

_You better hold on tight!" _

She held out her hands, as if reaching for every member of the audience in front of her. Screams roared up from all sides of the stage as the guitarist launched vibrantly into his solo,his back pressed tightly to Hannah's as they leaned against each other at the top of the stairs. The secret brunette flushed all over as she gave herself over to the images fluttering through her head. Her hands ran up her body and curled into her damp hair, her teeth clamped down on her lower lip and nearly drew blood as she swallowed the skater's name. Her eyes snapped open and she looked brazenly out at the crowd.

"_Hahahahahahaha...Almost home."_

Hannah started slowly walking down the stairs, the two dancers following behind her and shaking their hips. As the three women hit the main stage, Hannah was suddenly lifted off the ground and flung out over the crowd. Her body flew above them as she flipped and dipped like a pro. The audience screamed up at her, praising her like she was their god.

"_Hey, hey, hey, hey!_

_Hey, hey, hey, hey !_

_(come on!)_

_Hey, hey, hey, hey! _

_(yeahhh!)" _

Hannah began singing the last chorus to the audience, belting out each word with force and pumping her fist mightily, the audience following suit as they watched her land back on the stage and start jumping up and down with all of her dancers.

"_Gimme a "hell" _

_Gimme a "yeah" _

_(hell yeah!)_

_Stand up right now _

_And gimme a "hell" _

_Gimme a "yeah" _

_Stand up right now _

_(right now!) _

The stadium echoed as everyone sang the chorus loudly while their star sang ad-lib's as she was swarmed by her dancers and her two guitarists.

_Gimme a "hell" _

_Gimme a "yeah" _

_(yeah!) _

_Stand up right now _

_And gimme a "hell"_

_(hell!) _

_Gimme a "yeah" _

_(yeah!) _

_Stand up right now _

_(right now!)" _

The super star's voice shifted from her normal melodic lit into an even more forceful and raspy growl just as she reached the hook. Her voice nearly shook the stadium, as she poured every ounce of power and sass into the words. Sweat fell from her face and down her neck, and she whipped off her sleeveless jacket and swung it over her head like a helicopter.

"_Get ready to go! _

_She ain't movin' slow! _

_She's takin' control! _

_And pushin' the pedal to the floor! _

_I'm beggin' for more! _

_You better hold on tight! _

_Gimme a "hell" _

_Gimme a "yeah" _

_And gimme a "hell" _

_Gimme a "yeah" _

The garment was flung somewhere into the sea of faces, never to be seen again until it was set up for auction on e-bay the following day. The blonde stepped forward setting off a chain reaction. The two guitarist's flanked her on either side as the rest of the dancers followed suit. Everyone excluding the two musicians raises their fists in the air and pumped wildly in time with Hannah's scream style singing.

"_Hey, hey, hey, hey! _

_Hey, hey, hey, hey! _

_Hey, hey, hey, hey! _

_Hey, hey, hey, hey!"_

They ended the first song with a flourish, The secret brunette smiled widely, knowing she just elevated her self to a higher state of rock star status the minute she exploded out of that damn ice cube. Strands of blonde were plastered to her sweat dampened face and her breath coasted out of her slowly, a bizarre contrast to the intensity she had just finished displaying.

"Hello Los Angeles! How y'all feeling!" She said into the microphone, gaining a loud, garbled response. "How's that for an opener?" She said again, garnering laughs from the two dancers leaning against her. "Y'all ready to blow the top off this stadium?" More screams were bellowed at her as she slowly walked up and down the stage. "I'm still not feeling it LA, C'mon, now, y'all better get louder!" She hollered into the microphone, the stage monitors sending her teasingly seductive voice out into the crowd and intoxicating them. The stadium erupted into riotous cheers and shouts. Hannah smiled and did a little pose as the band started up a smooth funky dance style beat. The opening notes to 'Gonna Get This' began and Hannah began strutting again towards the front half of the stage, her dancers following behind her and doing their choreography. Five songs later and the blonde was center stage again, her breathless voice floated over the uproar easily, "Whew! I'll be right back after the intermission to blow you all away again!" She screamed before waving once and jogging off stage.

_[First Person POV]_

I walk into my dressing room and all but collapse on the couch, I look down at my chest and swallow thickly as I catch sight of my heart trying to beat its way out of my ribcage. The door cracks open and I lock eyes with my brother. "Holy hell Miles!" Jackson squeaks before rushing to close the door. I watch as he flounders for more to say, his face a weird cross between fish out of water and deer in headlights. I laugh breathlessly before sitting up, "Watch it Jerkson, you can't afford to lose anymore brain cells." A pillow collides with my head and I laugh again before I notice my phone on the floor where I left it. I reach down and pick it up, glancing at the myriad of missed texts and voice mails. I feel my forehead crease in confusion as my phone vibrates suddenly and Oliver's name flashes across the screen.

**1 new text message**

**10/07/2013 09:59 PM**

**From: Ollie**

**Subject: Lilly**

**we NEED to talk.**

I glare at the phone. I thought I told that asshole to stop coming to me about his damn problems with Lilly. For fuck sakes, Oliver, I'm Hannah right now!

My mood slowly starts to go downhill and Jackson notices, "What's up Miles?" I ignore him as I get up off the couch, throwing my cell on the couch in the process. I walk over to the mirror and watch the color begin to fade slowly from my face. I watch as the anger dissipates and my lip quivers enough for me to clamp down on it with my teeth. I step back from the vanity mirror and start to pull off my tank top. "Get out Jackson." I say devoid of emotion. I listen as the door opens and then closes again before I strip down to my bra and boxers. I stare at myself for a good 10 seconds in the mirror. I feel my jaw clench as the image in the mirror suddenly changes into my shaggy haired best friend. My anger comes back in waves. I don't even realize that I've plunged my fist hard into the glass face of Oliver until I see the little red pin pricks come to life on my knuckles. I scowl as I move on automatic, walking briskly towards the bathroom.

I glance at my reflection again, and breathe out tiredly as I stare briefly into my own dark blue eyes. I begin to slowly pick out the small pieces of shattered glass,wincing each time I press a piece further into my flesh. I bend down and pull the first aid kit out from under the sink, pulling some gauze pads, hydrogen peroxide,antibiotic cream and some white first aid tape out. I place one of the pads on the edge of the sink and hiss in pain as I pour some of the peroxide of the cuts, the liquid sizzling as it does its job. I carefully dry my knuckles off and rub a small amount of antibiotic cream over the cuts, placing the gauze pad over the largest gash and taping my hand up, doing the same on the other side to ward off any questions.

I clench my jaw as I feel my chin quiver and tears of frustration threaten to fall. I leave the bathroom quickly and rush over to the rack of clothes and let my eyes graze back and forth, trying to be as fast as I can and get back out there. My gaze lands on this white, mid calf dress. I slip it on over my head and smooth it down, the length sitting just right on my lanky frame. I pick up the shoes that go with the dress and run my fingers through my blonde hair before walking out the door.

_[Third Person POV]_

Miley bent over slightly as she walked under the stage and over to the piano that would pop up center stage. She looked at the white heels in her hands, the wide straps feeling thick and heavy in her hands. The Hannah mask fell from her face suddenly and she dropped the heels to the cement floor and kicked them away from her. She saw her dad out of the corner of her eye and saw him start to walk over to her, she ignored him and sat down on the piano bench. She stared down at the keys of the grand piano. She felt one of the stage hands clip the sound equipment to her dress and handed her the headset. The secret brunette adjusted the mic so it would pick up too much feedback from the heavy breathing she was now doing. Swallowing thickly the popstar inhaled and nodded to the stage hand, letting him signal to the band that it was time. With a shuddering breath she began to play and sing as she and the piano rose up to join the main stage.

"_Well it's good to hear your voice  
I hope your doing fine  
And if you ever wonder,  
I'm lonely here tonight  
Lost here in this moment and time keeps slipping by  
And if I could have just one wish  
I'd have you by my side"_

As the audience saw Hannah singing while playing their cheers grew and the majority started swaying, cellphones and cameras catching and reflecting the stage lights. As Miley sung her voice grew deeper with longing and a regret that had been eating at her for years. Piercing blue eyes and and infectious smiles swept across her vision and she looked up at the audience.

"_Oooh, oh I miss you  
Oooh, oh I need you"_

Lilly's face blurred in Miley's eyes momentarily and the emotion swelling in her gut took precedent over all else, making her performance one of her best, rivaling many of the older stars.

_"And I love you more than I did before  
And if today I don't see your face  
Nothing's changed, no one can take your place  
It gets harder everyday_

_Say you love me more than you did before_  
_And I'm sorry it's this way_  
_But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home_  
_And if you ask me I will stay, I will stay"_

Miley stood up from bench and walked away from the piano, the band steadily playing along as she nearly bared her soul to all in attendance. Her eyes closed slightly as she fought with the tumultuous emotional tide rising and falling in her being.

"_Well I try to live without you  
The tears fall from my eyes  
I'm alone and I feel empty  
God I'm torn apart inside_

_I look up at the stars_  
_Hoping your doing the same_  
_Somehow I feel closer and I can hear you say_

_Oooh, oh I miss you_  
_Oooh, oh I need you_

_And I love you more than I did before_  
_And if today I don't see your face_  
_Nothing's changed, no one can take your place_  
_It gets harder everyday_

_Say you love me more than you did before_  
_And I'm sorry that it's this way_  
_But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home_  
_And if you ask me I will stay, I will stay_  
_Always stay "_

Miley stood at the front of the stage, tears falling freely from her eyes, the power and loneliness in her tone bringing tears to many in the front row. Miley dropped to her knees, her chest heaving as she sang through the sobs threatening to choke her and stop her from singing.

"_I never wanna lose you  
And if I had to I would choose you  
So stay, please always stay  
You're the one that I hold onto  
'Cause my heart would stop without you"_

Miley leaned forward, ignoring the crowd completely as her voice dropped to a whisper, Lilly's face the only thing in her vision as her heart ached and screamed out the lyrics. Begging Lilly wherever she was to hear her plea.

"_And I love you more than I did before  
And if today I don't see your face  
Nothing's changed no one can take your place  
It gets harder everyday"_

She stood up slowly and belted the rest of the song, her eyes closed as she poured every ounce of love, regret, hope and forgiveness into her tone, making her audience feel the deep pain and the searing love beating within the young woman's breast.

"_Say you love me more than you did before  
And I'm sorry that it's this way  
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home  
And if you ask me I will stay, I will stay  
I'll always stay_

_And I love you more than I did before_  
_And I'm sorry that it's this way_  
_But I'm coming home I'll be coming home_  
_And if you ask I will stay, I will stay_  
_I will stay"_

As she held the final note, all the lights in the arena went out save for the single spotlight shining down on the teary eyed blonde. As that light too went out, Miley bent her head and tore the headset mic from her head and chucked it carelessly. She walked backwards from the edge of the stage a little bit and hit her mark just as a small part of the stage started to descend. No one asked or said anything when Hannah Montana walked back to her dressing room in tears, anguished sobs shaking her shoulders.


	5. I Can't Breathe

_A/N: Hey guys, my internet got cut off and it's been hell trying to get it back. This chapter contains my anger towards Disney for putting Lilly with Oliver. Here's #5! There are flash backs written in third person._

**Standard Disclaimer: I make no claims on Miley Cyrus, Emily Osment, Hannah Montana, Disney or It's A Laugh productions. I also make no claims for the songs and lyrics used in this story. This story is a fem-slash that means two women will be involved romantically with each other. If you're opposed by same sex relations involving two consenting adults then PLEASE press the back button. I don't need to be told my story is trash due to it's content. I'd prefer it if you ENCOURAGED me instead of DISCOURAGED me. **

**This story is in Miley's point of view.**

**Chapter 5: I Can't Breathe**

I don't think my smile has ever been more fake than it is right now, even the thousands screaming in adoration at me can't even tell the difference, granted I did just pull off the best performance of my career. I feel my pulse hammering away in my neck as I pant gently into the microphone. The heady combination of my overloaded emotions mixed with the adrenaline from my post performance high has started to make me feel faint and I feel my eyes dip as I close them, trying to block out the sudden spinning of the stage and the arena. Despite the loud roaring in my ears I can still faintly ear several shouts for a sixth encore.

Which I would gladly give to them, if it weren't for the vertigo, the fear of more voice surgery, the palpable anger in my veins, or the 'talk' Oliver wants to have with me when I get home.

I inhale a sharp breath and feel my eyes snap open in slight awe. The energy in the arena is so intense and so untamed. I blink a few times before a genuine laugh bubbles up in my chest and tickles my throat as I strain to keep it in. "You guys have been so awesome, I just want..." I'm cut off by the thunderous screams and shouts of the crowd. I can pick out each individual "YOU ROCK!" "I LOVE YOU!"and the always present "HANNAH RULES!" being shouted repeatedly at me. I step back and look out at the thousands of fans their chanting and yelling starts to echo in my ears almost violently. I jump slightly as I feel sweaty heat flank me on either side and glance down at the glove covered hands tightly clasping my own. I look down my left side and my ride side and see all of my dancers and my band lined up and waiting for their cue from me. I raise my hands creating a domino effect and we all bow in a wave, blowing kisses and thanking the crowd profusely for their unending support and love and for coming out.

I feel myself get shoved lightly into the main spotlight as everyone around me begins to clap wildly, I can barley hear my choreographer gushing about each number we did and my band smirking proudly at me while clapping me on the back. I look back out at the crowd and feel my smile grow real, this moment, right now is the greatest moment in my life so far. I love the Hannah Fans.

Moments like this are what I absolutely love most about being Hannah Montana. Sure there's the fame, the fortune, the social status, being a role model, the yes men, the pressures, the stalkerazzi, the hecklers, the stress from the good publicity,the stress from the bad publicity. But none of that matters when I have thousands of people staring up at me in wonder, smiles of awe and bliss evident in each pair of eyes I connect with.

"Thank you guys so much for coming, you are absolutely such an awesome crowd, I love you all! Drive safe!" I say to them as I wave once more and walk off stage. For once I feel truly magnificent. I exhale deeply as I feel my dancers and band mates rush around me, some patting me on the back, others full out embracing me and picking me up off the ground. I step back from the crowd and jump once more as I feel large hands clamp down on my shoulders. I swallow the scream as I get turned around and come face to chest with Sid, "Good show popstar, might be your best yet." He says to me as he takes the microphone and battery pack away from me.

All I can do is nod my head at him and roll my eyes as I hear my name being screeched, "Hannah!" Dang it. I turn around and plaster on another fake smile that would make a mannequin proud. I feel my adrenaline rush start to fade. My head throbs suddenly as the Nasal Queen and her boy toy for the night round the corner and make their way over to me. Traci pulls me to her by the shoulders and places obnoxious faux kisses on both of my cheeks. She pulls back awkwardly as I don't return the gesture. I glare at the guy she's with as he continues to ogle me like a starved dog.

I sigh heavily, "Did you want something Traci?" I don 't even bother to hide my annoyance, I just wanna get the hell outta these clothes and go home. Traci blinks at me owlishly and I have to strongly fight the urge to smack her upside the head. Traci stutters a little, clearly confused by my attitude. Normally I'd be tired but cheerful after a show like tonight, but instead all I feel is frustrated, tired and totally annoyed. Laughing awkwardly she lightly pushes my shoulder, "Oh Hannah.." I feel myself cringe, did her voice get squeakier or is it just me?

I feel my fingertips at my temples rubbing slowly as Traci launches into another one of her self righteous "look-at-me-I'm-a-snob" rants about how she got some store manager fired. I let my eyes glaze over her and I scoff silently. Her dress would be cute if it wasn't overly bedazzled with tacky shiny things and wasn't so blindingly pink that even Barbie would hurl on it.

Fuck I can't take much more of her god damn rambling. I've too much shit running through my head right now.

I'm about to take a step towards her when I feel Jackson's arm hang loosely across my shoulders, pulling me back beside him. "Sorry to interrupt but Hannah has to go...Now." I ignore the disgusted, curious glance Traci gives me and turn to walk away. Jackson's arm falls from my shoulders and he falls in step with me. I feel words jumble in my throat and come out as low growl like murmurs. I feel Jackson look over at me with a worried expression and I glance at him sideways. "What." I say it like a statement and raise an eyebrow in his direction. I see him gulp and shake his head at me. I undo the one button on my black blazer and let it hang open, the white dress shirt underneath is nearly drenched in my sweat and I start cursing at my stupid costume idea. I'm about ten feet away from my dressing room when the buzzing starts. Jackson and I turn the corner and I groan low in my chest.

Paparazzi. One of them spots me and the questions that are hurled at me blend together.

"What inspired that performance?Was Stay about Jake?Where's your sidekick Lola?Is it true you and Jessie broke up?Are you and GaGa working on a song together? Will you be performing at the MMVA's again this year? Is there still a feud between you and Mikayla? Is it true that you and Brittney Spears will be hosting the Euro MTV awards?" What? Working with GaGa? Jake? Jessie? Mikayla? Brittney Spears? Hosting Award shows?Performing at Award shows? Seriously?

"Where do you guys get these questions? No I'm not working on a song with GaGa, I would love to though. No Stay isn't about Jake and yes Jessie and I aren't together anymore." I say to them as they crowd around me like Piranha's during feeding time, blocking me from my dressing room. "The feud with Mikayla? Are people really still talking about that? No, there's no feud. And no I'm not hosting anything or performing at the MMVA's, that's like four months away, My schedule is hectic enough already."

My breath hitches suddenly as one of the names they hurled at me finally registers in my brain. Lola...Lilly..."I-I'm not sure where...I mean she's...I-I..." I'm at a loss for words, that's never happened before... I'm Hannah Montana, I'm never speechless for these vultures! I can feel the panic rise in my chest and I reach behind me for something,anything to ground me. I feel large,warm hands clasp my shoulders and pull me sideways through the crowd. "That's it for questions. Hannah has other things to attend to.", I feel more than hear the door close behind me and I steady myself by holding onto the back of the couch.

"Good lord Darlin' what in the world happened in here?" I hear my dad ask and I slowly turn around to look at what he's talking about. "I got frustrated." He looks at me seriously and tilts his head, "Just frustrated Darlin' ? What's got you so frustrated that you break a mirror? And you get tongue tied in front of the paps?" He scratches at his fake mustache before pulling it from his face and looks at me quietly.

"Miley, somethings gotta be done about this" He walks over to me and leans against the back of the couch. I feel his hand rest on my shoulder and I shake him off. "It's nothing. I'm fine." He scoffs and I turn and look at him. "Honey, now I don't know what's going on between you, Lilly and Oliver but you need to work it out, the stress is starting to pour into your Hannah life, and that's stressful enough for you already." My fists shake in silent outrage. "How can you not know?" I clench my fists tighter. "How can you honestly not know? Even Jackson figured it out!" He stares at me blankly, no recognition on his face and it infuriates me further.

"Come on Dad! Wake the hell up and realize that your daughter is in love! With a girl! A wonderful, amazing girl who deserves so much more then he has to offer!" I feel the rage burning hotly under my skin and I rip my wig off in retaliation, ignoring the sting of the bobby pins. I start pacing back and forth. It feels like my mind is about to explode.

"That stupid prick! Strutting around like some fucking peacock and winking at every hussy that bats an eye at him!" I rip the tie from around my neck and chuck it. "He has one of the greatest girls in the world and he doesn't even fucking realize that every time he even looks at her it breaks my heart even further! He just swooped in an stole her from me before I even had a chance! Ugh!" I kick hard at one of the couches and flop down on it, my head is pounding and I just outed myself to my dad.

I just outed myself to my dad...Shit.

"Hey guys, the paps are leaving. Do you want me to..." Jackson trails off as he closes the door and feels the tension in the room. I briefly look at him and his eyes widen,"Shit..." My thoughts exactly Jackson.

"Uh, Dad! I-it's really not as bad as you think..."I look up just as Jackson trails off. "Car. Now." Dad's tone leaves no room for argument and I see Jackson flinch. I pick up my abandoned wig and stick it in my bag, along with the rest of the pieces of my costume that I discarded. The three of us walk silently through the abandoned hallways and duck out the side door to the parking lot. I keep my eyes to the ground the entire time, scared that at any moment I'm gonna get the gay slapped out of me.

I glance up and stare at the back of my dad's head for a few seconds. Oh daddy, you can try as much as you want but not even god could make me feel anything less then what I feel for Lilly. We get into my Dad's Excursion and begin the long drive back to Malibu. God, this silence is deafening. I look up at Jackson sitting in the front seat, even with his headphones on, I can tell he's paying attention to me and Dad.

He glances at me worriedly and all I can do is just stare blankly back at him. I turn back in my seat and sit sullenly, this nervous, anxious silence is starting to grate on my already frazzled nerves. I sigh heavily and stare out the window, my own iPod forgotten in my hands. I glance at the name of the playlist and then hit the shuffle button, sliding the headphones down over my ears. Paramore blasts loudly through my ears and I sigh again, mouthing the words.

_That's what you get when you let your heart win, Whoa ohh. That's what you get when you let your heart win, Whoa ohh. I drowned out all my sense with the sound of it's beating and That's what you get when you let your heart win, Whoa oh Oh_

I find myself slumping into my seat as the chorus starts repeating itself over and over again in my head, making my chest hurt. I glance over at my dad and shake my head. Honestly how could he not know? I wasn't too obvious about it but even Jackson figure it out!

I clench my fists tightly and let them unfurl slowly, trying to release some of the built up tension in my body. I shift so that I'm laying across the backseat, weariness colliding in my veins with the adrenaline. I roll down the window a bit just as random phrases from the next song paralyze me in my seat.

_You don't have a clue _

_**Lilly and Miley are seated on a large beach blanket just shy of the waves, rolling in from the vibrant blue of the ocean. The golden hue of Lilly's hair shines brilliantly in the afternoon sun. Miley gently moves a stray lock of hair from Lilly's face and the two stare at each other for long,quiet minutes, until Lilly's phone rings and she reluctantly breaks contact to answer it.**_

_You don't know what you do to me_

_I've come too far to get over you_

"_**Come on Dad! Wake the hell up and realize that your daughter is in love! With a girl! A wonderful, amazing girl who deserves so much more then he has to offer!" Miley yells at her shocked father, her anger something he hasn't seen this riled in a long time. The shock doesn't seem to want to release his vocal chords long enough for him to tell her he always knew, ever since they first met in middle school and Miley was on air for days after spending just a few hours with Lilly.**_

_You don't have a clue_

_I never let love in so I could keep my heart from hurting_

_**Jessie just stares at Miley, "You're breaking up with me? Why?" He doesn't get an answer but he knows the reason. He's not a blond and he's not a girl. "I'm sorry Jessie, my heart's just not in it. And that's not fair to either of us" She says to him, both of them well aware that the one Miley really wants is just in the next room. They Hug,they're still friends.**_

_You don't know what you do to me_

I turn my iPod off and set it down on the seat beside me. "Dad, could you just tell me how sick I make you and kick me out already. I'm all out of patience and worn out from the concert." I say without thinking, I'm sick and tired of hiding this from my dad, from everyone. I watch as my dad sighs heavily, "You don't make me sick bud, and I'm not kicking ya out. I just wish you weren't so scared to tell me yourself, calmly." I can't contain the small chuckle that falls gracelessly from my lips and tears of relief and frustration fall freely. "Sorry dad" He smiles at me in the rear view mirror, "It's alright Darlin' I know this has been eating at you for sometime." I look at him quizzically then. "You knew? How come you never said anything back in the dressing room?"

"Cause, you were pretty mad in there Miles" Jackson's voice floats into the conversation and I see Dad nod his head in agreement. I slump down in my seat a little further and stay silent, my dad and brother following suit.

I stare out the window and watch as the familiar houses pass by as Dad pulls onto our street. As we pull past our driveway and park on the street it doesn't occur to me that Lilly is sitting on her skateboard in our driveway. I gasp as all of my oxygen disappears from my body. Suddenly I wish I didn't get out of the car. Why is she here anyway? Maybe she doesn't hate me. Or maybe she's not done tearing into me. Maybe if I'm fast enough I can hide behind the car... without hesitation I jump behind the car and sink down against the trunk. My phone vibrates and I look down and notice a text message. It's from Lilly. I hesitate before I open it.

**1 new text message**

**10/08/2013 12:30 PM**

**From: Lilly**

**Subject: none**

**ICU**

Without thinking I send a response. By now my dad and Jackson have already walked into the house after waving or giving Lilly a weird look.

**1 new text message**

**10/08/2013 12:31 PM**

**From: Miley**

**Subject: re: none**

**no u don't**

"Miley. Get over here. Now." Her voice is blank, eyes clouded and unreadable and that scares me more then the icy cold anger she showed me earlier. I sigh once before standing up and preparing myself for another onslaught of anger. "Miley..." she sighs and moves closer to me, making me back up against Dad's car. Why the hell do I keep getting stuck between a car and Lilly? I silently pray she doesn't hit me,I've seen the bruises she's given Oliver, and that's just from playful hits. "Miley, look at me" Lilly sounds nervous but determined. I look up at Lilly and try to swallow, her proximity has made my throat dry. She's _so_ close that I can feel the heat emanating from her body, it's warm this time,embracing me instead of burning me. I glance down briefly before I make direct eye contact with her. "Miley" her voice is so soft, almost like she's whispering. "Do you…" Lilly paused, her fingers rising to play with the zipper on my jacket. She's mumbling so softly that I have to strain to hear her. "Do you think about me, too?" What? Is she... "I can't keep doing this with you Miles, this whole 'what if' game we seem to keep playing." She looks up at me and I just stare at her, unable to do much else. I watch as her eyes flick back and forth across my face, searchingly.

I feel like a fish out of water as she continues searching my eyes for something. I blink once and that's when she stops looking, her eyes widening in surprise. I feel panic rise in my chest as her tongue slips out and dampens her lips. I watch as her face comes closer then suddenly all I can feel is this velvety softness on my lips. My eyes close before I can tell them to and I pull her body closer to me by her hips and kiss her back firmly. I feel her gasp in surprise and her hands in my hair. Her arms wrap around my neck, holding me tighter to her, hips pushing against my own,pinning me against the passenger door. Instinctively I buck my hips against hers,making her smile against my lips. Her tongue invades my mouth,running against the ridges on the roof of my mouth before lazily running across my cheeks and tongue. Holy fuck...is this actually happening? Is Lillian Hayley Truscott really and truly kissing me?

Am I dreaming?

Her tongue runs across my bottom lip and I moan quietly into her mouth, causing her to press her lips harder against my own. She pulls away slightly with my lower lip in between her teeth and I groan quietly. We break apart and I greedily inhale as much air as I can, her half lidded eyes glow teasingly at me and I watch as her kiss swollen lips twitch up into this naughty half smirk. I lick my lips and slump against the SUV, watermelon. I breathe in raggedly as she presses her lips to mine once again, her teeth gently digging into my lower lip.

Definitely not dreaming.

I smile against her lips, I feel more then hear Lilly's warm chuckle vibrate against my lips and I wrap my arms firmly around her waist. Her weight falls comfortably against me as I give into the passion she's drawing from me.

"What the actual fuck!"A surprised shout shatters the haze around us and we turn to regard the owner of the voice. Both of us go rigid and I feel Lilly's hands fall from around my neck.

She's still pressed up against me and I'm now frozen in utter shock.

Oh Shit...


	6. I've Got The Worst Hangover From You

_A/N: DREAM SQUENCE._

Standard Disclaimer: I make no claims on Miley Cyrus, Emily Osment, Hannah Montana, Disney or It's A Laugh productions. I also make no claims for the songs and lyrics used in this story. This story is a fem-slash that means two women will be involved romantically with each other. If you're opposed by same sex relations involving two consenting adults then PLEASE press the back button. I don't need to be told my story is trash due to it's content. I'd prefer it if you ENCOURAGED me instead of DISCOURAGED me.

**This story is in Miley's point of view.**

**Chapter 6: I've Got The Worst Hangover From You**

Fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck. That word just keeps repeating in my head like a damn chant. Oliver totally just caught me making out with his girlfriend...some higher power really does love fucking with me. I don't want to be here at all right now. I want to be in my bed, away from this. "Well, this is downright awkward." I see Lilly nod out of the corner of my eye. I don't want to look at Oliver, I can already feel the betrayal rolling off of him in waves. It's a little disconcerting.

Thunder rumbles overhead and I look up briefly, great, just what I need. I notice Oliver stare at Lilly and she just outright ignores him almost like...They broke up? Oh shit! I stare at Oliver and grab his attention "No. This is not what it looks like. I am not the reason you two...wait did you two break up?" Lilly sighs and Oliver scowls at me. "Yeah we did and now I know why. Thanks a lot Miley. Some friend you are." Lilly pushes him and stands in front of me. "That was uncalled for Oliver and you know it. I already told you why I broke up with you. Miley has no idea." Lilly says the last part a little too forlornly for my taste and I notice the tears welling up in both of their eyes.

I'm floored, completely and utterly floored.

I stand beside Lilly and look at Oliver's dejected face, "Is this what you wanted to talk to me about? I was Hannah when you texted me Oliver, I was right in the middle of my concert. Besides, I told you yesterday that I can't help you with Lilly, it's like cheating on a test or something." Oliver looks down at the ground and sags his shoulders even more, "I'm going home." I pause momentarily, "Oliver! Oliver wait!" He ignores me and continues walking out of my sight. I turn and look at Lilly, I think I'm still in shock that they broke up. Oh the possibilities...Lilly moves suddenly and I panic. Moving swiftly towards her I grab her by the elbows to stop her from running off. Questions suddenly start pouring into my brain, leaving me wanting the answers before I start anything else with her.

"Lilly, why did you kiss me? Why did you dump Oliver...when did you dump Oliver? Why didn't you ever mention you two were having so many problems...he lo...liked you a lot" I choke on my sentence a little and part of me hopes she didn't catch my slip up. "It doesn't matter anymore." She says staring at anything but me. "Of course it matters...wait what did you mean when you said I had no idea?" Lilly stays quiet and it unnerves me.

"Lilly" I say wanting her to meet my gaze but she continues to look everywhere else. "Lilly" I say again as I lift her chin up with my other hand. Her ocean blue eyes shimmer with unshed tears. "Please Lilly..." She shakes her head, warring with herself. She looks up at me and I watch as her eyes shift back and forth across my face. Lilly swallows and breathes out slowly "Well, Oliver and I broke up today after school." she says before locking her gaze with mine.

"Why?...well...because...I haven't been feeling the same way anymore. He tried to get me to give him another chance but that's when I told him that I've been in love with someone else for years and that staying with him isn't fair to any of us...and I..." She stops and looks down, muttering and shaking her head. I'm frozen where I stand, every passing second sends me higher and higher. Could it be? Could she really be feeling the same way? I nod for her to continue and that's when I notice the sudden shift in her stance, whatever resolve she had is gone and I curse mentally. " I'm sorry...I have to go" Lilly says as she easily slips out of my increasingly weak grip and walks over to her skateboard, her back tense. "Lilly, what about the kiss, why did you give me the single most greatest kiss of my life..." I can't believe how forward I'm being this time.

Everything is going in slow motion. Lilly rolling by me, not even looking back, her head down and her shoulders shaking, she's crying. I'm staring at her retreating form even after I call out to her even after her form has vanished from my sight. The sharp burning pain in my knees as I fall to the ground. The little puddles that are rapidly forming. The twisting pain in my chest. The lump in my throat.

I can't catch the heart wrenching sob that escapes from my mouth. I bring my hands up to cover my face and continue to sob out into the night. I sit back on my legs. I don't move as the low rumble overhead signals the arrival of the storm. My tears just keep falling and I bring my knees up to my chest and sob into them as the rain starts to pour down hard around me. I must look so pathetic, sitting in the middle of the driveway, sobbing hard enough to cause my entire body to shake as the rain falls heavily around me.

I feel like shit...I've hurt Oliver, fuck, he probably hates me and Lilly...Oh Lilly. I hear small splashes behind me and then the rain is no longer falling on me. I look up and see a blurry version of my dad, holding out his left hand while his right holds a very large umbrella over both of us. I take his hand as I stand up, still crying.

Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...Lilly...

I repeat her name in my head like a prayer, my silent plea. Dad pulls me close and I latch onto his shirt, sobs wracking my body as he leads me towards the house, my skin itches from my tears and shakily wipe my face with the sleeve of my shirt. We walk into the house and I start shivering from the cold as the warmth of the house hits my skin, making me even more aware of how numb I am inside and out.

I look up and see Dad smiling sadly back at me, he brushes away some of my tears and I give his arm a squeeze. Dad leads me over to the couch and sits me down before he heads to the kitchen. Jackson is sitting beside me and wraps his arm around me, pulling me into him and I sob silently there in his embrace.

Dad sits down beside me and speaks softly "Bud, I know it hurts but you have to be strong, She feels the same way about you, I can tell from the way she looks at you, You just gotta wait for her, She'll come around soon, don't worry" I turn to look at Dad as his words slightly surprise me. The way she looks at me? I knew I was missing something here!

I look up at him and sniffle a little, "Bud, Your brother and I love you and support you no matter what" . I sit with my dad and Jackson for another hour before I say goodnight to them and head to my room. Once inside I pick out some pajamas and head into my bathroom to take a long hot shower. As the steam surrounds me I step into the warm cascade of water and sigh as I think over what happened outside. Her lips were so soft and warm and the peppermint lip gloss..oh the lip gloss!

The passion between us was so tangible I could practically touch it. I've never felt that with anyone and she pressed her whole body against me when I moaned. I groan in pent up frustration and longing. Why must this be so dang difficult! I watch as the water swirls around the drain, I clench my fists and stretch my hands out before I reach over and turn the water off.

Stepping out of the shower I shiver at the cool air in the bathroom. Quickly I wrap the large fuzzy towel I brought in with me around my body, smiling as I inhale the fresh clean scent. I walk into my room and wrap my pink Hannah robe around my body, putting my hair into a messy bun after I towel it dry. Walking over to my dresser I pick out some clean panties and slip them on, walking back towards my bed I put on a pair of sleep pants and a tank top and slip underneath my covers.

Reaching under the bed I pull out a small black notebook, the cover is blank and has a swirl design in the left corners running along the binding. I flip to the middle of the book and stare at the page blankly and twirl my pencil around in the palm of my hand, My emotions are so frazzled and I have no idea what to write. Sighing deeply I throw the book off the end of my bed and smile as I hear it land on the floor with a soft thud, the pencil clattering as it rolls on the floor. I sit up and hit my pillow a couple of times to make it softer before I flop my head down on it. I think about the look in her eyes as she stared at me, everytime our eyes met she had this look. I sigh and close my eyes , settling down under my covers. I blow out a deep breath and let my fatigue take over. Tossing and turning several times.

_This is so peaceful. I'm sitting on the beach, I think that's become my trend. Beach sitting. If it were a sport I'd be a pro, I chuckle lightly as the sun shines brightly in the horizon. Hmm, you know, now that I think of it, the clouds look really puffy, like cool whip, Mmm cool whip, I want strawberries and cool whip. I'm snapped out of my food filled day dream as I hear this low whooshing sound from behind me and suddenly the bright light of the day fades and I'm left disoriented. I'm not sure if I'm falling or floating, all I know is that I'm not enjoying this! Not at all! Suddenly I feel myself land on something hard and I shake my head, my hair falling into my face._

_Whoa, what's going on? Where am I? Why am I here? Wait, where exactly is here? Hey... this is Lilly's room. How did I get here? And why am I here...wait am I wearing clothes! I look down at myself and sigh in relief. Okay I know these aren't my pajamas but they are cute! White tank top and skirt._

_What's with that anyway. Why am I wearing white? I hardly ever wear white anymore and here's another interesting question. Why is everything all shimmery? Like when it's really hot out and you can see waves of heat coming off of the hood of a car, Yeah well the whole room is doing that! I'm about ten seconds away from freaking out when I hear a chuckle off to the left and see Lilly leaning against the wall near her window._

_Oh wow...Her tanned skin stands out nicely in her white shorts and tank top. I look down at myself and I'm shocked, damn this skirt ends about mid thigh and I love how it shows off my toned legs. Okay ,seriously? what's with all the white? "Hey Lils? Do you know what's going on?" I ask her obviously confused She just smiles at me and that smile makes me weak in the knees as usual. She begins walking over to me and I can barely breathe, the sway of her hips is so intoxicating and I find myself growing hotter with each breath I struggle to take._

_Okay Stewart, calm down. Just close your eyes and take a deep breath, this isn't really...Whoa! I snap out of my thoughts when I feel her breath against my face. How did she get in front of me so fast? "Lils" Am I whimpering? And have her eyes always been that blue and hypnotic? I can literally feel the heat radiating off of her. She smells like a combination of peppermint, vanilla and the ocean. It's highly intoxicating and one of the things I love about her. I want to say something to her, something along the lines of 'I love you' when she quietly says "Shh, don't speak" Her tone of voice makes me feel calm despite the fact that I still have no idea what's going on._

_Nevermind! I'm not calm! Not calm at all! I feel Lilly's hands gently gliding across my stomach under my tank top, causing goosebumps wherever her calloused finger tips tread. My breath hitches as her hands slowly embark on their journey upwards. I can feel Lilly's hot breath against my cheek and I tremble from the arousal that is now flowing through me. My shaking hands grab her waist and pull her closer. I want her closer to me, No I NEED her closer to me. I let out a sigh as I feel her hands caress my breasts and her hips rock into mine. "Oh, Lilly" I say breathlessly._

_She lets out a sensual chuckle that is by far the sexiest sound I have ever heard before she starts whispering into my ear. "God, Miley, you have no idea what you do to me" that airy voice will be the death of me, I know it, she leans her head down and gently nips at my neck, running her hot tongue across my pulse point._

_Oh my god, I pant a little as her head moves down and across my collar bone moving towards my left breast, I reach down to run my fingers through her hair when she grabs both of my hands and intertwines them with her own. She's standing up now and are eyes are locked together. I feel the cool air on my chest and that's when I start wondering, when the hell did she take my top off?_

_She raises both of our hands up above my head and presses her body up against mine, making me forget such trivial details such as how we both got topless. I groan loudly at the feeling of her touching every part of my body with hers "Lilly...please" I breathe out, watching her eyes darken from sky blue to indigo._

_I see her give me the most seductive smile I've ever seen and she leans in slightly and runs her tongue across my lips, tracing them before she takes my lower lip in between her teeth. I feel her hand slip down the front of my skirt and slip through my folds. I gasp loudly and bang my head against the door, the feeling of her fingers sliding against me driving me insane._

_"Ooh...Lilly..please, don't stop" I manage to pant out. I hear a soft growl and I open my eyes. Her eyes connect fiercely with mine, a loving smile on her face. Suddenly she's moving away from me and I whimper softly "Lilly?" the look on her face hasn't changed, and I grow more worried "Lilly..." I try to move towards her but I can't. "Lilly! Lilly!"_

"Lilly!" I'm startled out of my sleep by the sounds of my panicked shouting. I sit up in bed and pant heavily, my sheets bunched up at the foot of my bed. I can feel the cool air of my room against my heated skin, a fine layer of sweat on my head and across my lower back. I flop back down on my bed and wait for my erratic breathing to even out.

I shakily reach up and touch my face, wiping away the tears that I hadn't notice were falling. I take in a shuddering breath and look over at Beary, who is calmly perched upon my bedside table, I scoff and then look up at my ceiling, my chest hurts from the force of the sobs I'm holding back. I get up out of bed and bring the quilt that has fallen off my bed with me as I walk towards my balcony.

I quietly close the door behind me and sit down in the wicker bench, I wrap the quilt around me and stare up at the moon, I let out another shuddering breath and sigh "It's going to be a long three days" my raspy voice seems to echo in the silence of the night and my mind wanders as I continue to stare up at the sky. I feel my eyes close and I pry them open,not wanting to fall asleep so soon after that whacked out,erotic dream.


	7. I'm Thinking What The Hell?

Standard Disclaimer: I make no claims on Miley Cyrus, Emily Osment, Hannah Montana, Disney or It's A Laugh productions. I also make no claims for the songs and lyrics used in this story. This story is a fem-slash that means two women will be involved romantically with each other. If you're opposed by same sex relations involving two consenting adults then PLEASE press the back button. I don't need to be told my story is trash due to it's content. I'd prefer it if you ENCOURAGED me instead of DISCOURAGED me.

**This story is in Miley's point of view.**

**Chapter Seven: I'm Thinking "What The Hell?"**

I've come to discover that I don't really like the middle of the week, there's nothing to look forward to. Then again, I don't look forward to much anymore. I've been called aside in every class this week for sleeping. It's not my fault my damn dreams are so erotic that I can't sleep. Stupid teachers, you were teenagers once too, show a little sympathy! I groan in exasperation as I jump off the back porch and land in the warm sand, gracefully I might add, hey I use to be a cheerleader back in Tennessee, I'm not that clumsy...

Sighing heavily, I lazily trudge forward, walking along the damp sand as the waves slowly wash onto shore, lapping at my green sandals. I'm dressed in simple attire this evening; khaki shorts, gray t-shirt and a sweater slung around my waist, in case it gets cooler while I'm out. My head is down and I stare inquisitively at the ground in front of me, while my thoughts race around rampantly. I look back over everything that's happened and I've come to find that this whole 'not-talking-to-each-other' thing is really starting to piss me off.

I mean they broke up, why is Oliver so angry with me? They weren't even together when she kissed me but, why did she kiss me? Lilly didn't even stick around to tell me why she did it and it was obvious that she felt something. That bugs me too, why did that bold, daring, outspoken blonde bombshell run off like that?

Ugh, I feel like I'm going in circles everytime I think about this! Shaking my head I look up and notice that I'm near Rico's. I head over to an empty table and sit down, leaning my head in my hands, staring at the small patterns on the wood.

The many voices around me begin to blur around me and I idly begin to wonder if anyone else is freaking out or if it's just me. The cheers off to my left pull me away from my thoughts and my gaze drift towards the pristine blue water. I feel a smile creep into place as I see Lilly walking in from the waves, her surfboard held tightly between her arm and torso. Her toned legs flexing as she fights against the pull of the surf. Her long blonde hair is damp and pieces of it stick to her face, making me long to push it behind her ear. I breath out through my nose to muffle the sigh of longing that escapes from my mouth. I watch as Lilly walks up by Rico's shack and leans her board up against it.

My chest tightens as she smiles at the guy behind the counter while she dries off, I can't really help the flare of jealousy as I see him obviously check, _my_ Lilly out. Without thinking I stand up and slowly begin to walk towards Lilly. As Lilly turns to face me, she goes stiff. I blink and stop,my body going stiff as I look at her, slightly confused until something in the back of my mind clicks.

"Lilly..." I whisper to myself as I realize that is wasn't a daydream and I'm standing three feet away from her. Her smile has been replaced by a blank expression excluding her eyes. Those eyes of hers that betray her body language. Those icy blue orbs of hers look darker, deeper. So entrancing, so hypnotic. There they are, her walls have slammed down and now I can't read her at all.

I'm trying to force myself to move closer and talk to her but nothing happens, I notice she hasn't walked away either. We're both just staring at each other, our eyes committing each detail to memory. Both of us daring the other to make the first move. We're staring at each other so intensely that I think we've started to attract attention,well,more attention then before. It feels like her eyes are staring through me, searching my heart, my soul. I sigh deeply as she looks down, her shoulders are tense. She grabs her board and her stuff and looks at me once more before she walks towards the parking lot. I want to run after her but my legs wont move.

With a dejected sigh I turn around and walk back to my house, jogging once I'm away from all the people. I look at my watch and make a rash decision. I run along the side of my house and jump into my car. I speed down the road and hang a left three blocks later. Shutting the car off I hop out and walk with purpose towards the front door of the Oken home. I pound on the door and wait.

Mrs Oken opens the door and looks down at me before letting me walk inside. She says nothing as she points upstairs and then walks away. That woman is seriously creepy. I take the stairs two at a time until I'm on the landing and rush to the last door on the right. I knock three times before opening the door. Oliver is sitting on his bed playing GTA IV and I yank the controller out of his hand. He looks up at me shocked and I turn the TV off. "You're gonna tell me everything Lilly said to you. Every single word. You got that?" He nods sullenly before moving over as I sit beside him.

"Well like I told you a few days ago. We've been fighting a lot. The last time I confronted her she said it's over between us, that she's been in love with someone else for years and that staying with me isn't fair to any of us. When I asked if you knew who it was she started crying and being cryptic and vague. That's when I texted you...sorry about that, I forgot about your concert."

I stare at the TV blankly before I notice Oliver standing in front of me, staring. I look at him and narrow my eyes, "Stop looking at me like that." Oliver just chuckles and smiles at me, which confuses the hell out of me. "How long Miley" I arch an eyebrow in his direction and look away, "I have no idea what you're talking about" He chuckles again and that's when I sigh heavily.

"Since she give me her lucky bracelet, that's when I fell in love with her. Listen, I'm sorry. I didn't know you two had broken up until you told me that night. And I'm sorry if I made you think I'm the reason you two broke up." I start pacing in front of him as I try to spit out my words.

"I'm sorry for being distant and bitchy and everything else that I've been lately and I regret any outcome that came from my actions, but I wont regret that kiss and I'll be honest with you Oliver, when I found out the two of you were together I was happy, that wasn't a lie." At this I stop and face him directly, staring into his dark brown eyes, "I was happy, but I wanted to be the reason she was happy and lately that feeling has been growing bigger and stronger every day and honestly I've wanted to punch you in the face for taking her from me, for winking at hussies who only like you cause they saw you on TV, for having a sweet, wonderful, amazing girl who deserves so much more then you're offering. I could go on but I think I've said enough already."

Oliver shakes his head before he fixes his attention on me. "Miley, I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have phased you out like I did. Now that I know how long you've felt like this I feel like an asshole for flaunting it in your face all this time and asking you for help...and for winking at other girls.", he looks at me and I see the flicker of guilt cross his features. I say nothing for a few minutes before an idea flickers through my mind.

"Hey Oliver?" I gently gnaw on my bottom lip as I go over more details of this plan in my head.

"Yeah?", he sounds wary, of my next question and I smile a little

"I need your help and possibly your band", I lift my head off his shoulder and lock gazes with him. He looks at me quizzically before a large smile spreads across his face. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and squeezes it in a friendly gesture.

"What do you need?"

-—*****—-

"So?" I looked up into two pairs of warm eyes, both of them sparkling. I fidget nervously as I sit on the piano bench, lightly running my fingers over the ivory keys. I stare at the notes and the words on the book stand of the piano. I look back and forth between my dad and Oliver, eagerly awaiting an answer from them. I watch as they look at each other for a long moment before turning to face me. "Darlin' that was beautiful." I look at my dad, my eyebrows raised, "Really?",I look between the two of them again as Oliver comes forward, "Yeah Miles, that was amazing!" Oliver says to me, the pitch of his voice rising to an almost feminine level.

I give both of them a relieved smile as I close the lid over the piano keys. I signal with my head for Oliver to come over and I wrap my arm over his shoulder, he looks at me and then we both launch into rapid fire conversation. I notice my dad smirk at us and shake his head at us as he pushes both of us towards the exit. We walk over to Rico's and part of me starts to pray that Lilly isn't out surfing again. Oliver and I find a clear table and sit down, still discussing the finer details of the plan I came up with. About an hour later Oliver leaves and I start feeling a lot better about all of this.

-—*****—-

Could this class be any longer? Ugh! I gently bang my head against the large shared desk. Science class sucks this week. We've watched a movie everyday. At first it was alright but now?...not so much. Everyone has pretty much zoned out. I would be too if it weren't for two things. One: I swear I can feel someone staring at me almost every two minutes. Two: I'm putting the finishing touches on the song I wrote for Lilly.

I lift my head up and stare at the lyric sheet in front of me, I gently tap my pencil against it and sigh as nothing comes to my mind. My foot gets knocked gently and I look down and notice a pair of white and green vans with purple laces. I swallow thickly as I follow the shoe up to a pair of black knee length shorts and a purple t-shirt. I quickly lay my hands flat against the paper, covering up most of the words and look Lilly directly in the eyes.

"Hey" She says nothing in response and a sinking sensation falls over me. She's staring straight ahead and I can tell she's thinking over whatever it is she's going to say. She sighs and then looks straight at me, her eyes are red like she's holding back tears and I shift uncomfortably. "Miley. Because of what I did a few nights ago, I don't think we should be friends anymore. I'm so sorry."

With that she gets up and leaves me speechless. I swallow thickly as everything around me slows down and begins to blur. Without thinking I leave the room, not bothering to tell the substitute where I'm going.

I tear the lyric sheet up into tiny pieces and shove it in the nearest trash can. What's the fucking point anymore...


	8. I Want You,I Do

Standard Disclaimer: I make no claims on Miley Cyrus, Emily Osment, Hannah Montana, Disney or It's A Laugh productions. I also make no claims for the songs and lyrics used in this story. This story is a fem-slash that means two women will be involved romantically with each other. If you're opposed by same sex relations involving two consenting adults then PLEASE press the back button. I don't need to be told my story is trash due to it's content. I'd prefer it if you ENCOURAGED me instead of DISCOURAGED me.

The song used in this chapter is Without You Glee cast version.

**This story is in Miley's point of view.**

**Chapter Eight:I Want You, I Do.**

I sit on my balcony and just stare out at the water,I've ignored every attempt my dad and Jackson have tried to get me to leave my room since Friday night. It's Sunday afternoon and I don't plan on leaving my room until school tomorrow morning. I hear a knock on the door and sigh. "I'm not coming out,so stop trying Jackson!" I shout into the room. The door opens and I see Oliver sticks his head inside, "Miley?" I sigh again as Oliver walks into the room and leans against the doorjamb. I feel his gaze on me and he nudges me with his foot. He has a plate of food for me and I tell him to just set it down on the desk inside. He does so and I watch him curiously. "What do you want Oliver?" I know he hasn't come over just to talk. He looks at me and sighs himself, sitting down beside me, "You can't just give up like this, I know it sucks but buck up...please?"

He begs and I smile at him sadly. "Easier said then done my friend, She hates me now or at the very least wants nothing more to do with me." Oliver sighs and takes out a crumpled taped together piece of paper and I recognize it instantly. "Is that...?" Oliver nods and places the paper in my hands. I look at it and just stare at the words, the height of my emotions on clear display. I feel a sense of pride well up in me as I stare at the lyrics. I can't help but sing the words and I hear Oliver join in on the chorus. I smile at him and look in his direction. "Is this your way of telling me there's still hope? Cause I really can't see me going through with the plan when she wont even talk to me..." Oliver sighs once more and I feel myself get irritated slightly.

Oliver gets up and begins to pace, "You gotta stop acting like this, the Miley I know would never give up no matter what. Are you really gonna let everything the two of you have been through just go to waste because you're both too scared to admit how the two of you feel?" Oliver's words set a fire under my skin, my irritation visible. He stands his ground against me and I'm a bit impressed. "You think I want to act like this? I have no idea what to do in this situation Oliver! The love of my life wont even speak to me and you're over here acting like it's all on me, like I'm the only one. SHE doesn't want to talk to ME! Not the other way around!" I feel angry,betrayed but most of all hopeless that she'll never know how I feel. That she just stopped...no I can't think that way.

I round on Oliver and he looks at me. "Get your band, I'm doing this whether she cares or not, I can't have this end without her knowing everything I've been going through since the two of you started dating, hell since the first time I met her." I stand up and put on my shoes, I pick up the lyrics sheet and watch as it trembles in my hand. I gulp as a fresh wave of paranoia washes over me. I shake my head and hesitate momentarily until I feel Oliver behind me, his hand on my shoulder. "I got your back Miles, so does your dad and Jackson. We're all rooting for you now you just gotta believe in yourself too. Use that Hannah confidence and knock your woman off her feet." I laugh at Oliver's words but smile as I get pushed out the door of my room. I look over my shoulder at him and smile, "Thanks Oliver." He just nods and follows me out the door. I hop down the stairs and jump down onto the landing before running past the piano and jumping off the landing. I walk quickly out the door and look over at Oliver who is on the phone talking to his guitarist James. He gives me a thumbs up and we both get into my car and head over to the rehearsal space I rented. It takes us around twenty minutes to get there and my nerves have wound themselves up so tight that feel like I'm about to snap in half. I get out of the car and look at the small venue with earth shattering hesitation. I look up at Oliver as he gets out of the car and he looks back at me, a wide smile on his face. "Don't worry, Miles. You've got this and you can trust the guys of my band, they wont tell anyone your secret." I sigh and feel some of my nerves unwind slightly. I walk into the rehearsal space and walk down the isle towards the stage, I see Oliver's band on the stage already and most of them wave to me while Oliver hops up and talks to James. I jump up on to the stage and go over to the keyboard that is set up near the middle of the stage. I walk over to the microphone and look over to Oliver who is standing by the soundboard. He nods to me and I do a quick check to make sure everything works and the volume is correct. I play a few chords on the keyboard and breath in the melody my fingers have decided to play. I realize that the melody I'm playing is actually the intro to my song and I breath in deeply, singing the first verse steadily into the microphone.

Rehearsal takes over an hour since I only had one song and I feel excitement coil in my stomach, making me feel nauseous and breathless all at the same time. I pant and look behind me at the rest of the guys, some of them look shocked others are giddy and I feel myself panic as I remember that these guys have just found out that I'm Hannah Montana. Oliver runs over to me and wraps me up in a huge bear hug that feels like he's trying to pop my head off. "Can't. Breathe." I manage to breath out hoarsely. Oliver puts me down and steps back, "That was incredible, like seriously." He looks at me and sees me begin to hyperventilate slightly, "Whoa whoa, Miley it's okay, they wont tell I swear...calm down I got you." Oliver keeps reassuring me that they wont tell and I want to believe him but I'm still wary. I breath in deeply and try to control my breathing. I turn and face the guys and see that some of them of worry etched on their faces. "I'm fine but you guys have to swear to God you wont tell anyone who I am. The more people that know the easier it'll be for my secret to get out and then all hell will break loose. You guys understand?" I see several of them nod and I feel myself calm down completely. I look at my watch and notice that Lilly should just be getting off work right now. Oliver looks at me and then at his own watch before his eyes go wide.

"Oliver, I need you to follow through with this part of the plan. Don't take no for an answer and if you fail I swear I'll do everything in my power to make your life a living hell." The severity in my voice shocks even me and I see him nod fiercely. Oliver rushes down off the stage and nearly falls on his face as he bolts for the door. I look at the guys and notice how casually we're all dressed. I take my phone out and call my dad, asking him to bring me a pair of jeans and a plaid top from my closet, I will not serenade Lilly in a pair of sweats and a tank top, I have to show a little class.

My dad arrives with Jackson and they both walk over to where I'm sitting on the stage, I let the guys do what they want which turns out to be just jamming which is fine with me as the music calms me down. I notice Jackson first as he bobs his head to the current song being played by Oliver's band, my dad comes over shortly after and they both stand in front of me. I take the bag from my dad and smile nervously at them before heading back stage and changing. I'm just pulling on my jeans when my phone beeps and I look at the text from Oliver. He's on the way and I feel myself freeze momentarily. I button the jeans and pull on my blue long sleeved plaid shirt. I button a few of the buttons and rush out from behind the curtains. My dad is behind the control panel with Jackson and James and they're talking about the settings as I walk over to them. "Oliver just texted me, they're on the way. How do I look?"

The three guys look at me and smile, James whistles wolfishly and I shove his shoulder gently, My dad and Jackson just nod and give me a thumbs up. I glance at my watch and feel myself start to pace in anticipation before walking over to my spot on the stage. Oliver texts me again and says they're right outside. I tell everyone to get and place and Jackson turns off the house lights. I see the light from the hall shine into the darkness as someone walks through the door, I listen carefully as I hear the scuffed foot falls move closer to the stage. I hear a chair get pulled out and hear it creak in the silence. I breath in deeply before blindly rubbing my fingertips over top of the keys on the keyboard. I play the melody I played early but with more force, letting it resonate in the room with each downward press. I breath sharply as I begin to sing the lyrics of the one song that means the most to me at this moment.

_I can't win, I can't reign  
I will never win this game  
Without you, without you  
I am lost, I am vain,  
I will never be the same  
Without you, without you _

I inhale deeply before putting more power and emotion into my voice, feeling the lyrics in the very deepest part of my soul. The drums join in and I feel myself fall into the music, the power in my voice feels phenomenal and I can scarcely imagine how Lilly must be feeling, taking it all in

_I won't run, I won't fly  
I will never make it by  
Without you, without you  
I can't rest, I can't fight  
All I need is you and I,_  
Without you, without you

The spotlight shines down on me and the rest of the band but I barely feel it, all my focus and attention is on the vibrant blue eyes staring up at me.

_Oh oh oh!  
You! You! You!  
Without  
You! You! You!  
Without you_

I feel an extra set of hands fall over top of mine and I notice Oliver take over the playing of the keyboard. I grab the microphone stand and walk towards the edge of the stage.

_I can't erase, so I'll take blame  
But I can't accept that we're estranged  
Without you, without you  
I can't quit now, this can't be right  
I can't take one more sleepless night  
Without you, without you_

I grip the stand in my hand and sing harder than I ever have before,I lay everything out. All the pain, the feelings of betrayal and the joy that I pray to god I will feel after this song. I let the hope soar high in my chest.

_I won't soar, I won't climb  
If you're not here, I'm paralyzed  
Without you, without you  
I can't look, I'm so blind  
I lost my heart, I lost my mind  
Without you, without you _

I jump down off the stage and stand a couple of feet in front of Lilly. I inch closer and see tears falling from her eyes. I reach my hand out and she grabs it. I pull her to her feet and we stand close to each other.

_Oh oh oh!  
You! You! You!  
Without  
You! You! You!  
Without you _

The music slows down to and it's just Oliver playing the piano melody I wrote. I place of blonde hair behind her ear and hold her cheek in my hand.

_I am lost, I am vain,  
I will never be the same  
Without you, without you  
Without you _

I let my hand fall to my side, the microphone still firmly clutched in my hand. Tears fall down her face and I hear her hiccup slightly as she chokes on a sob. I pull her into a hug and we cling to each other. I run my fingers through her hair and pull her even closer to me. She buries her head in my neck and I feel her lips ghost across my skin. I swallow thickly and pull back to look at her. She does the same and we stare at each other. Questions swirl in her eyes and I throw caution to the wind. Knowing that this may be my only chance. "Lilly, I don't want to lose you, I want to be with you not as your best friend but as your girlfriend. I love you so much so that it hurts to not be around you. And I know that lately I haven't been acting like I should but seeing you with Oliver left a bad taste in my mouth. Despite how hard it was I should've acted better. That night when you kissed me, you asked if I thought about you as much as you thought about me and the answer is yes. A million times yes. I can't be me without you Lilly..."

I'm breathless and I snap my mouth shut and stare at her. She says nothing from several minutes and I feel my hear nearly beat itself to death inside my ribs. She shakes her head and I feel that hope that was soaring moments ago crash into oblivion. She looks down for a moment and then looks up at me. I feel her hands on my cheeks and she pulls me to her and presses her divine lips against mine. It's not rushed but it isn't slow. It's absolute perfection and I moan against her mouth. I feel her smile into the kiss and I wrap my arms around her waist.

I feel weightless,she loves me, not him.


	9. I'm In Love

**Chapter Nine: I'm In Love (I Wanna Do It)**

It's been a week since I confessed to Lilly and everything feels so incredible. I just can't get over how sweet and surreal it is to be with her as a couple, finally. I asked her out on an official date yesterday and now I'm pacing in my room wondering what the hell I'm going to wear. Should I go casual and just wear jeans and a nice shirt? Or should I go for the full glam? Or do it up Hannah style?

Fuck, what am I gonna do?

I'm about two seconds away from jumping in my car and driving to the mall when I hear a knock at my door. "Come in!" I shout not really paying attention, too busy throwing clothes everywhere. I hear a chuckle while I inspect a purple v-neck that might be suitable and look up to glare at Oliver.

"I didn't call you over for you to laugh at me Oken; I need your fucking help. I have nothing to wear on this date tonight. And don't you dare give me that generic 'Oh she'll love you in anything' crap!"

I fling the shirt down onto my bed which miraculously hasn't been devoured by Hurricane Miley. Oliver grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me gently. "Stop Miley, just grab that black blazer over there, throw it over that purple shirt, pair it with those sexy skinny jeans you wore when you confessed and you'll be fine." I look at Oliver and sigh before grabbing the articles of clothing he mentioned and head to the bathroom to change. I come back a few minutes later and stare at myself in the mirror. The jeans cling to my long legs and show off my toned ass quite well. The shirt is tight and exposes my arms and shows off my assets wonderfully. I run my hands down my sides, smoothing out my shirt. I turn from side to side just admiring myself when I hear my dad.

"Lilly's here bud!" I glance at Oliver and he walks around me a couple of times before I sigh in annoyance at him. Oliver gives me thumbs up and I slip on my black adidias and grab my wallet and keys before pushing him out of my room and down the stairs.

I hear Oliver greet Lilly and I breathe in a deep breath to calm my nerves. I stop at the bottom of the stairs and feel all the air I had just breathed in fly from my lungs. Lilly is a standing in front of me like she stepped out of a fashion magazine. Her long, tanned legs are on full display as they disappear beneath the bottom of her sundress. The white color totally shows off her tan and I find myself drooling a little at the way her hair is swooped off her shoulders and is just cascading down her back in long golden waves.

She must have felt my eyes on her because she turns from Oliver and gives me a seductive wink. I walk over to her and wrap my arms around her shoulders. I hug her tightly to me and feel her chuckle against my throat. I swallow thickly and step back, my arms still around her shoulders.

"Going for the girlfriend next door look are we?" I say to her receiving a laugh as an answer. She just smiles at me before taking my hands and holding them between us; it's become our thing when we don't know how to express just what we're feeling with words.

I bring one of her hands up to my lips and kiss her knuckles gently. She blushes and I pull her close. I feel her inhale against my shoulder and she squeezes my hands tighter. "Are you ready to go?" She nods against my shoulder and we head towards the door. I tell my dad we'll be back by midnight and he smiles at me. Jackson wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and I swat at him, making both him and Oliver laugh before they head up to his room.

I close the door behind me and pull Lilly close, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.. She smiles as she presses herself tight to my side and presses a kiss to my cheek. I smile wide as we walk down the driveway to my car. I walk around to the passenger side with Lilly and open the door,

"Milady

I hold out my hand and she uses it to help her sit down on the seat. I run around to the other side of the car and hop in, anxious to get this show on the road. I turn the car on and put it in gear, pulling out of the driveway and rolling down the road. Lilly turns the radio on and one of my songs is playing. I shake my head as Who Owns My Heart' blasts through my speakers, Lilly singing along vastly better than she use to.

We spend the hour long drive in comfortable silence. Her hand is clasped tightly in mine over the center console and I can barely contain my excitement for her to see where we're going. It takes us ten minutes to find a parking spot near the front.

I get out and meet Lilly by the front of the car. I hold my arm out for her and she grabs it with both hands. She looks up at me and that's when I notice that she is standing impossibly close to me. I reach up and push a stray strand of hair from her face, letting my fingers ghost down her cheek. I watch as he eye lids flutter at my touch and I smile before pulling her along towards the doors to the restaurant.

As we get closer, I notice her staring at the building and the sign across the top of the doorway. I stop just before the doors and feel her bump into me a bit. I glance down at her and she stares at me, her eyes wide. "We're seriously dining at Moonshadows?"

I nod and feel her hands drop from my arm; I turn to face her fully and see how shocked she is. "This is okay right? I mean it's not too much is it?" I suddenly feel myself get nervous as she just stares at the sign before squealing at me. "Are you insane!? This is Moonshadows, how in the world did you get reservations on such short notice?" She balks at me and I chuckled. I hold out my hand for her again and pull her close as she takes it.

I lean down and just barely brush my lips across her ear, "I'm Hannah Montana, and getting dinner reservations for my girlfriend are part of the job." I feel her shuddered against me at my words and I smile as I step back from her.

I pull her over to the doors and motion for her to walk in first. She smiles at me and gives me a playful wink as I watch her go, her dress swishing in all the right ways. We walk up to the hostess and I give her our reservations. We're lead out to the balcony and I chuckle as I notice Lilly start to walk slower and take everything in. The waiter places down a couple of menus at our table and I walk over and meet Lilly by the railing. "This is the best date I've ever been on..." She whispers as she leans into me. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and smile, "It hasn't started yet, Lills." She smiles at me and I press a kiss to her temple before pulling her over to our table. I pull her chair out for her and push it in as she sits down.

A few minutes later a waitress comes over. "Good evening ladies, what can I get for you?" I look over at Lilly and she looks at the menu for a few quiet minutes before she orders the grilled pacific swordfish and I order the California style bouillabaisse. The waitress takes our menus and returns with two glasses of champagne. I chuckle as Lilly gingerly lifts the glass to her lips and takes a sip. She looks at me surprised and I tell her it isn't the cheap crap they serve at all the Hannah Functions. She sets her glass down and reaches for my hand. I meet her halfway and hold her hand in mine, rubbing my thumb gently over her knuckles.

I look at Lilly and inhale sharply at the image before me. The blonde beauty is bathed in orange, gold and yellow light. I feel unworthy at this moment to even be in her presence.  
She looks behind her at what I'm staring at and I feel my jaw unhinge slightly as the light from the sun catches in her hair. Lilly looks at me and arches her eyebrow. I watch as she smiles that damn devilish smile of hers and she winks at me. I stutter briefly as I feel her foot slide up my leg under the table.

I quickly glance around to make sure no one can see and feel her toes dance around my knees. I swallow thickly and lock eyes with my enchantress. She's looking out at the water but I can tell her attention is on me and what I'm going to do next. I smile as I pick up my glass and take a sip of the champagne, grinning as I lick my lips slowly, my eyes on Lilly the entire time. I hear a rush of breath come from her and I know I've struck something in her with my little tease. Before she can retaliate the waiter returns with our food and Lilly's mind is otherwise occupied on how to get the entire plate into her mouth without spilling anything.

After dinner I drive us back to my house and we walk down to the beach. She's walking in the water while I stay on the dry sand. She splashes water at me and I give out an indignant yell at her before splashing my way over to her and getting her dress damp. We continue to walk down the beach, our hands held aloft between us. I notice her shiver slightly and I give her my blazer, wrapping it around her shoulders and pulling it tighter over her enticing frame. I keep walking, admiring the cool evening air as I let her adjust it so it fits right on her. I hear her giggle a little and I turn only to feel myself get tackled to the ground.

Lilly is straddling my waist and tickling me like a madwoman. I thrash and kick my limbs trying to get her off me but she holds firm. After a few more minutes of torture, Lilly relents and lies down on top of me. I feel her slowing breath on my neck. She hums as I wrap my arms around her torso. "Watch ya thinking bout?" I ask in my best impression of a valley girl, she giggles softly as she places a gentle kiss to my pulse point. I swallow as she sits up. She looks down at me and smiles that damn smile that made me fall for her in the first place. I sit up a bit and she falls back to sit comfortably on my thighs. We stare at each other, memorizing each little detail of each others face. 

"I'm just so…happy that you're finally mine. After all the bullshit we put each other through. I guess I'm still in shock. I can't believe how much I love you, Miley." Her voice is merely a whisper but my heart can hear the words loud and clear. She looks down at my lips and then back up to my eyes. I smile softly to her as I thread my fingers through her long blonde locks. I pull her closer and brush my nose against hers. "I love you too Lilly." She bites her lip and I can't contain myself any longer. I pull her gently to me and our lips finally collide.


End file.
